I have always struggled with anxiety and depression.
It started when I was 10, I had just started middle school.
I was Bullied. Badly.
Everyday after school I would rush out of the school and try SPRINT home so that the bullies wouldn’t catch me.
They usually did, And I usually went home physically and mentally abused.
I was depressed… but I NEVER thought about committing suicide.
It took a while but my parents finally noticed how depressed I was.
I went to counseling.
It helped, but It didn’t stop the bullies.
That February we moved cities to get me away.
My new school was much better.
I made friends, True Friends. I had my first Romance.
My 8th, 9th, and 10th grade years were the best of my life.
I was Happy.
But then this year, my 11th grade year, everything changed.
My friends, while still close, have other friends.
I was left to my own devices.
I am not the most accepting person.
I don’t put up with crap.
That’s what getting bullied taught me.
Other people don’t like it when I call them out for being rude, or for doing stupid things.
“*****” is a common nickname for me.
I get made fun of in all of my classes, and Online.
The few friends I have made have turned on me, but don’t explain why.
They tell me “Its Your Fault. Everything is your fault.”
I go over every situation, every conversation.
I feel confused, frustrated, anxious, and depressed.
I have good parents, and I am a good kid. Â I get in trouble like every other kid.
But my parents add to my confusion, frustration, anxiety, and depression.
In the past 3 months I have had more panic attacks than I can count.
I can’t stop crying.
I just want it to stop.
My best friend turned on me today. She didn’t even explain why. Just called me a “*****” then walked away.
I haven’t stopped crying.
It hurts. Feeling like this.
My chest feels like it is on fire.
And the worst part is That nobody really cares.
I have a stun gun. I have used it on my self several times.
I forget for a while after using it.
I suppose its my way of cutting.
but it doesn’t leave any real marks.
they fade quickly.
It hurts. I can’t keep feeling this.
I can’t keep getting told I am worthless.
I just want it to stop.
Please stop.
Stop.
STOP.
4 comments
highschool is a bad time for a lot of people, though yours sounds a bit worse..
and I’m sorry you’re going through this.. it really is bullying 🙁
you aren’t worthless.. (might try to speak to a private counselor to help? 🙂 )
after highschool, college is easier socially most of the time because most people will never know or see you.. in highschool, it’s usually the same people you’ve known for a while, so they develop stupid ideas about you..
and at jobs you can meet lots of people you work with..
what I’m trying to say is this:
if you aren’t out of highschool yet(and it sounds like you aren’t..), try to ignore them and just get through it as best as you can.. because sometimes, highschool really can be the cesspool of life.. highschool is just a phase you go through to get to real life(or independent life)
(not saying it can’t be good, but it hasn’t been for a lot of people out there..)
one thing to think about though:
did you change this last year? or maybe the method you’re using when calling people out for being rude and/or stupid is slightly mean?
I don’t mean to imply it is mean, but have you thought about it? usually when people argue, it has to do with both people.. (unless it’s only bullying.. )
I hope you can make it through this 🙂
I have thought about it. Extensively. When I know i am in the wrong i apologize, it doesn’t help.
Im 18. years and school was a shit.after that all changes .those people that bully are just cowards.dont even easte your time with them,they are inferior to you.you are much bigger than them think about it. when they bullie you dont even listen i know its hard you are superior in all ways.fuck them.to make. you an idea of the cowards they are.my best friend was bullied hard and one day his brother. that id a kickboxer came and the bullies that where about 7 vs 1 shoot their mouths like fucking bitches.you are harder and clever than them dont listen those pussys
I went through the same thing in high school. My group of friends turned on my for no reason our junior year. I spent the next two years getting cornered in the halls, being call a *****, worthless. I tried talking to the school counselors, they told me to avoid them, but they did nothing to stop them from waiting for me outside my classes, outside school. I got abused physically and emotionally by my supposed ‘friends’. I know exactly what you are going through. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and an anxiety disorder in high school because of what they did to me. No one stopped them, no one cared, no one helped me even when I begged for help. I got through though. Try deleting your Facebook account if they are harassing you through there, ask your parents if you can change school, that may not be what you want but it may save you. Keep fighting hun, keep fighting. You are so close to leaving high school. Have hope for college, and an escape from the abuse of high school. Do it for yourself. Leave that high school, transfer. Please I didn’t have the choice to in my school. It would have saved me if I could have. Email me if you need someone to talk to, I’ve been there, exactly where you are now. I read this post and I couldn’t believe how similar are stories are. Email me of you need someone, anyone to listen, to understand. camarynhand@yahoo.com I’m here for you if no one else is. I promise.