I have a good life but since elementary school I was always determined to kill myself before I grew up. In September I turn 20. I still sleep with my baby blanket and have never been kissed and here I am turning 20. In May I told my parents I was planning on killing myself. Summer is almost over and my councilor is trying to make me promise to forget suicide but I can only imagine postponing it till December. I was to kill myself when the weather isn’t 100 degrees outside but at the same time I don’t want to spend 6,000 dollars going back to school and taking difficult classes like organic chemistry (I’m not smart!). I honestly don’t know what to do. Kill myself in the next 3 weeks or suffer another awful semester of failure and frustration. Why is it so hard to die and why can’t my parents respect my decision.
Jesus Christ Super Star! I am prude as fuck. Men don’t define me. I’m talking about ending my life PEOPLE! Not wishing I had an STD!
6 comments
I know how you feel.I didn’t even actually have ‘boy’ contact till I was like 18….I would be so embarrassed when friends would ask if I was a virgin and I would say yea and make up some story My face would turn all red cause I knew I was lyin
Hey Conrad! In september I’ll turn 21 (sept, 18th to be more exactly… End of summer here in my country) and I’m still a virgin. Im not embarassed, actually I chose it. Sometimes things take time to happen, thats all. I wish you lots of luck!
I was over 18 when I had my first romantic contact. I met my ex online when I was 16, so I had to wait two years until I could meet him. And it was worth it when I did. I’m sure you will meet someone. It’s embarrassing, I know, but there are more people than you think with little romantic experience.
If your classes are too difficult, why not look into switching programs to something that’s easier and that you actually enjoy? I mean, why waste time and money on something you feel you’re not doing well in, when there could be lots of other possibilities?
You’re still young. Many things could change for the better. Of course your parents want you around; if I had a child I would never ever want them to commit suicide. It would kill me, if they did. So, try to change your current circumstances, join a dating site, meet people, and who knows what can happen? If one of the problems is that you don’t like your appearance, try a bit of exercise so you can be closer to your ideal. It’s much easier to feel confident and attractive when you like what you see in the mirror. I lost a lot of weight in the last year, and it helps me feel better about myself.
Conrad,
I’m turning 20 in December and never and have never had a boyfriend not to mention anything else.
In life, you are meant to go up and down. Everyday we are tested and well those who can take it, they become successful in their lives.. So don’t crack. You could achieve anything you want to. And also, if you want to have a girlfriend, then go get her. Usually most girls are just waiting for someone to ask them out.
I think it’s funny how everyone here are always postponing the thought. Three weeks. After this, after that. You don’t want to end it. You just don’t know what to do. But hey you can figure everything out still. You are young so you can basically twist your whole life upside down and become something entirely else.
I agree with Persephone about parents
The problem with me is that I had NEVER envisioned living past 20. I never considered graduating from college, getting a job, having a family. No matter what my parents, councilor, or whatever says to me I can’t change this mindset of mine. I weigh 105 pounds but yes I’m trying to lose weight- not for men but for myself. I know my death would upset my parents but I’m not going to rot for another 40 years waiting for my parents to die.
Resu,
I feel like I cracked years ago, I really gave up already and the only thing that has kept me going was the hope that I would end my life before things got worse. I do want to end my life; it’s just hard to kill yourself painlessly in this anti-suicide society we live in.