How do I fix my unpleasantness?

Well… i think it starts with accepting yourself, and that you feel ways about stuff. Extend this to others: they feel ways about stuff, and they may not always understand why they feel whatever they do, or may feel things that “telegraph,” without them wanting to show it… it’s possible that guy you mentioned might even have moments of self-doubt, and sometimes feel like “man, i get really tired of fantasizing about every decent looking girl i see, when i can tell they’d never want someone like me…” Possible, maybe not likely. I know i’ve had that thought a few times… but hey, i accept that i feel ways about stuff. I like attractive women, some of whom i would have to guess either don’t realize i like them, or would be upset by such a notion, or both… but surely some of them must notice me looking a bit closer, a bit more intently, without necessarily being offended or disgusted. Either that or some of them are just really good at hiding their disgust. Or i’m really good at disguising my attraction “tells.”

Perhaps you should journey inward, and try to figure out what it is you don’t like, and why you don’t like it… and then try to allow yourself to be yourself, and people to be themselves, and don’t worry about it, unless something is actually happening to you.

Some people (not just “greasy” men) think of sex constantly. Doesn’t mean they’re salivating over you, just means it’s likely they’re sizing you up, looking for flaws, entertaining a notion, simply because that’s what they like and are interested in pursuing. The only time you should have to worry about it is if their thoughts become actions without your consent. Most people are aware of the harsh penalties attached to such behaviors, and will refrain from doing any such thing, even if they “really really want to.”

If people look at you and like what they see, that’s a good thing. If someone you don’t find appealing, displays signals you don’t want, you don’t have to act on them, and you don’t have to imagine just how horrible of an experience being with that person might be. You already decided you didn’t want that, so stop thinking about it. Think about something else. 😉

ah, a term i thoroughly revere: “conditioned response.” I heard that term quite often during my brief martial arts training. It may surprise you (and most) to learn that “instinctual reflex” is almost never the optimal response. Martial arts training is all about replacing inferior baseline instincts with improved conditioned responses. The cool part is that it begins in the mind, by being given the tools to understand how it works, why it matters, and that you can actually modify it to a significant extent, by practicing and habituating those improved responses, to the point where they become virtually automatic. It’s like Bruce Lee said: “…you don’t have to ‘hit;’ it hits all by itself.”

Martial arts training (of certain types/styles/methods) not only teaches you and pushes you through the rigor of properly modifying your own conditioning, but even teaches you how to discover and devise new modifications, which can apply to almost any aspect of life.

Without proper or adequate guidance, almost everyone will “wire the incorrect conditioned response.” Unfortunately, this is a realm of mastery that is evidently difficult to find available masters to teach correctly, which is why so many people are so confused and “wired wrong,” and have habituated bad habits, which then get repeated endlessly, which then often detrimentally modifies both the body and the mind, and even causes the person to encounter even more complications in life.

Instead of legit martial arts training, some people are trained incorrectly, through indoctrination into various social conditioning paradigms, which is part of why so many people seem to be so reliably and similarly wrong in so many ways. Most of the time, it’s simply the fact that they don’t know any better, because they haven’t encountered an opportunity to learn better, or even differently. It’s kinda recursive, after that, because they then go around doing whatever they’ve always done, “because that’s what they’ve always done.” And when you’re used to doing things any certain way, you become accustomed, comfortable, and it “feels right,” and so anything that might indicate, or especially insist, that you do something a different way that what you’ve been conditioned to habituate, seems “wrong,” even if it’s actually right. And so people cling to those habituated paradigms, often without even realizing a better way not only exists, but would be preferable to adopt. Instead, they reject and oppose any suggestion toward modifying there own habits, and try to justify their own investment in those habits, by reacting defensively and vehemently declaring everyone else wrong.

Due to my understanding of such things, i am rarely ever guilty of this. I like discovering when i’m wrong, so that i can change it, so that i can make beneficial modifications to my conditioning, so that i can increase my chances of desirable results, and decrease the incidence of encountering avoidable problems.

So for now, since it’s probably difficult and time consuming to locate proper martial arts instruction, i will recommend that you try to modify your own “wiring process,” by leaving “back doors,” and only applying anything “tentatively,” so that later, if and when you feel like something needs to change, it won’t feel like such an impossible thing to undo what you did, modify or overwrite the previous protocol, in order to improve your experience of living through each moment of your day to day existence.

Try to make things easier for yourself, and try to always leave yourself “an out.” Don’t be afraid to face fears, but always try to integrate an escape plan into your endeavors. Don’t over-commit, unless you’re absolutely certain you should, or must. Try not to encounter situations which require your absolute best, just to survive. Don’t let yourself get trapped in a situation where you’re required to be superman, just to make it.