I’m new here

I never knew about this website, but I’m glad that I came across it. The thoughts in my head have been getting worse and worse, but I keep trying to push through. Sometimes, it’s just easier to think “what would it be like if I were dead?” It all stared when I was just 11 years old. Here I am, 21 years old, and still fighting. When I was 11, life literally SUCKED. I attended a private school, and it’s true, the kids who go to school there are complete and total BITCHES. Just in 6th grade, I was bullied non stop. I was told I was ugly, and that I would never find anyone who loves me besides my family. In 6th grade though, who knows anything about love? Well, apparently they did. It never stopped. The girls that bullied me ended up going to the same high school I went to. It was miserable. I never got a break, every time I would get a friend, those people came around talking shit about me, and making it seem like I was such a bad person. Of course, those “friends” believed them and didn’t talk to me anymore. One night, my parents and siblings went to go out and eat. I told them I didn’t want to go. I was depressed, never ate, contemplated taking my own life. That night when they were gone, I wrote out a letter. I told them how sorry I was and how it wasn’t their fault that I was gone. Then I tried. I cut my wrists, I tried to go deep enough to where it would kill me. But it didn’t. I ended up taking 8 nyquil pills, but nothing worked. I woke up the next morning. I still have the letter that I wrote to my family. I still read it every now and then, and I still think about what it would be like if I were dead. Sometimes I just wonder, will it ever stop? The bullying, I mean. It’s like you can never get away from it. It’s always there, just in the back of your mind. You can’t just forget what those people tell you. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have the scars on my wrist to remind me, but I guess sometimes you have to remember too. Even though I still get weak sometimes, and crave to try again, I try to remain strong. Even though I was so “ugly” back then, it was really them who were the ugly ones.