It’s hard to choose between the two. To endure life and the concept of simply existing or to die peacefully and end the endurance. Suicide is not what one chooses when someone is sad. Suicide is what one chooses when they are looking for a way out of pain, and none of their other resources are working. This is something I think about constantly. Existing (from my eyes) is dealing with irate customers at the host stand at my job. It’s flunking out of my freshman year of college because I didn’t go to class because I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me. It’s coming home to a father that has cancer and I’m watching him die. It’s drinking until I’m drunk to forget about the day. It’s crying my eyes out when my fiance and I have a small fight. It’s smoking, in hopes of killing myself. I don’t think life was meant for me.
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6 comments
I feel your pain. Im still struggling with it every day. I think since its my life i should.be able.to end it when i choose
I agree… I didnt get to choose entering this world I should be able to choose exiting it….
Sometimes I think that life is like suicide, because all of the shit going on in the real world can really cut deep into your mind. It’s like life is a way for us to watch loved ones move away, die, be abused, etc. Sure, there is some light to be found, but there is just so much darkness to come forth, and that light doesn’t always come.
i could not agree any more, suicide isn’t giving up and it’s not an active choice like people want to believe…
i know that eventually one day i will not be paying attention and it will happen, it’s not really something i want anymore, like i used to, it’s just something that i know i won’t be able to control if the right opportunity presents itself.
life is so pointless, and it’s true that it’s all we have, so i do fight for it… but i’m weak.
i hope you can be stronger than i am
Life really is pointless… Its cruel really. We fill our minds with distractions, which for the majority of humanity they seem to work. We have this stupid life, we live it then we die? So now I have to watch myself grow old, lose people I love, get sick… and then die… death should be graceful. There should be a place people can go to end their lives.
How can anyone believe in “god” it seems like such a pathetic thing to me….. I wish there was one, I wish there was proof, I wish life had some purpose.
Honestly it doesn’t matter what you do who you are or what you have… we’re all dirt…. I feel like a ghost … haunting my own life…
If you have a fiancee, and you love him/her, talk to them about this. If you can’t, don’t marry that person. I know that sounds presumptuous but I understand how it feels to be isolated and to have no better options. I don’t think anybody wants to die, we all want to be happy. Suicidal thoughts and motivation come around when happiness isn’t or doesn’t seem to be an option.
I’ve been in a terminal situation (not physical illness) for 6 years now. I’m 28, smart, accomplished, generally a good person (or I like to think so). The reason I’m still here is that my immediate family is so emotionally dependent on me: If i was gone, they wouldn’t recover for at least 10 years. My brother would probably opt out and that would leave my parents without children, which would destroy my immediate and extended family.
You have to understand, I have nothing in my favor at this point, day to day life is excruciating, but I have to try to grin and bear it because my misery is less than theirs combined. If you have a fiancee, he/she loves you. If I was engaged to someone, it would absolutely destroy me if they voluntarily died. I would blame myself eternally. It would change who I was negatively and dramatically.
I hope none of that comes across as preachy, trust me, I’m all for the lesser of two evils. I do think our psychology is tricky though… I’ve felt good about life in the last 2 weeks when I shouldn’t have, and I’ve felt very low when I shouldn’t have, too. The human brain is a strange, strange thing.
I do hope you’re still with us (and your fiancee) and I hope you find peace, whatever form that should take.