I was sexually abused as a child. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused through childhood and my early teens. I’m super screwed up. I can’t control my emotions and I get depressed. Suicide seems very glamorous to me. I’ve thought about it ever since I was 7 or 8 years old. Life terrifies me unless I’m drinking or doing drugs. I’m a cutter. I’ve never attempted suicide because I always chicken out in the end, but I’m getting closer to the brink.
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I was sexually abused also, but it was by my friend at a sleepover when I was thirteen. I’ve been cutting for probably a year and a half now because that’s how I cope. I won’t tell you it gets better, sexual abuse and other abuse it insanely hard to cope with, but there are people out there who care and know exactly what you’re going through. Don’t think you wouldn’t be missed if you committed suicide, you would. I have put a giant knife up to my throat before and was about to end it when I realized that I must live. I must live a strong life and fight in honor of the others before me who couldn’t. There’s nothing you can do about the past, you can’t let it define who you are or will become. We are all soldiers and we must fight. We can’t give up. If you ever need to talk, please email me, breannakienzle@gmail.com. I’ll always be here <3
No, its not getting easier. I’ve been cutting for 10 years And my family tried to throw me in a psych ward 🙁 my boyfriend hates it for obvious reason. He’s stuck by my side though <3 if anything, its all getting harder. It's crippling me. I'm becoming agoraphobic hahahaa! I'm scared of the world :/ scared to move forward -_- 🙁
It’s nice to have a boyfriend who cares about you, I also have an amazing boyfriend who has been with me through it all. But even having someone with you through it, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. Sure it’s better than having no one at all, but sometimes they just don’t understand because, in my case, my boyfriend hasn’t been abused in any way, so its hard for him to really understand. That’s why I found this website. There are people here who understand and have been where you are and that is an amazing feeling to not feel completely alone. But in a way, you still feel like you are. People here get it, but we all have unique situations. No one completely understands your own. But they can and will still help you. You are never all alone. Even though it’s hard, there’s always the possibility of it getting better.
I forgot to hide my wrists from my mother once before, and she threatened to send me to a psych ward too. When she saw them, I was with a lot of family that didn’t even know I was screwed up. She yelled, “Oh my gosh! You’re cutting yourself?!” It was the worst feeling to have your family surround you and have them grabbing your wrists and then telling you that that is so stupid to do to yourself. They don’t understand. But I learned that somewhere, there had to be someone who did. And I found this website. Some people here haven’t been suicidal and try to tell you that suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. My problems, and probably yours also, won’t ever completely go away, and that is horrible, but we can’t let the ones who hurt us win. That’s all they’ve ever wanted and if we stop trying then we are giving them what they have always wanted. We have to prove them wrong. We have to stand up and look over them and say you can’t hurt me anymore. What you have done has made me stronger, and you will never hurt me again. If you are still living after all the pain, then you already are way stronger then they will ever be. But you have to see that for yourself. You have to know that you’re worth more than you think. Because you are. I still am struggling to realize this, but I’m working on it. Just keep fighting, and eventually, if you don’t give up, you will win.
I know what you mean!!! I hate that, the grabbing, name calling when someone sees it :/ I hate that -_- your comments and reply are actually very insightfull. They make me feel a little better. Thank you 🙂 I try my best everyday. I lack motivation to get a job, go on too collage, learn too drive, things like that but I’m working on it
I’m so glad I could make u feel a little better. If you ever need somebody, you know where to find me 🙂