Just like everyone else i guess i have a heartbreaking terrible life story that everyone should feel bad for me for. There’s always someone who will have it worse, who will have it better, who will be poorer, who will be richer, who will be worse off, who will be prettier, uglier, smarter, dumber, funnier, the list that goes on and on. were all different but one of the few things we all have in common are that we want to be heard, to be noticed, and to be loved. thats why most of us are on here. so here it goes:
as far as things COULDVE been for me, i have it pretty good. i could be mentally retarted, i could never walk, i could be dead right now. but i am alive. i have both parents which not as many people arent as fortunate as me to have. i have a home. i am aware and tankful for all that i have but thhat doesnt stop from “my tragic life story” from happening.
i have two older siblings, both adopted from Asia, then there came me, the “surprise”. i was (and currently) ALWAYS picked on andbullied in my own house. i got shoved a lot and screaming fights constantly broke out. then there came a time of uneasy calm and that is when my brother got the nerve to finally start sexually harassing me and touching me. i was only 11 at the time so i didnt understand anything then. it continued for about two years until he started doing it to my older sister as well. and that is when she told my parents and then all hell broke loose. they took him to counseling, they couldnt help. and my parents still dont trust us alone (my mom took the summer off work) and i dont even trust him alone, i lock the door everytime i got to the bathroom and i cant wear tank tops or short shorts around my house when he is home.
along with my brother, my sister and i got more into verbal arguments. she would always steal my things, everything from my toothbrush, to my mirror, to my underwear. whenever i would catch her with my things or spreading rumors about me to her friends, she would always call my a ***** and slam doors and threaten me with the nearest thing to her. so you can say sibling love much?
but after i quit gymnastics after12 years and got my “bad boy’ boyfriend did things start going down hill. i felt sad ALWAYS i retreated into my room. i felt that i wasnt good at anything expect gymnastic but i can never go back. im a failure at everything including school, relationships, and i am extremely socially awkward (ever since ive been little) but my boyriend got me into cutting and drugs, lots of drugs. he always talked about suicide and i never knew if i would wake up to find him dead in the morning. we smoked weed together. and he got me into cigarettes. we were in a pretty serious relationship so we were always sneaking arounnd doing sexual things because he was harcore addicted to porn, i wasnt into that but it was like my brother, so i went along with it. after 9 months we finally broke up right after a mission trip with my church because i was in a group of friends and we were all talking about weed and drugs and partying and we got in trouble. so YAY our parents got called and now im not allowed to be with my one and closest friend anymore becuase of her strict parents. we talked about everything and she was my literaly BEST friend, and now we can only see eachother at church once a week. now my ex has a new “friends with benefits” and shoves it in my face cosntantly and i blocked his number and im still sorry to say that i might still love him. but so ive been chilling it at home alone usually. trying not to die. trying to make old and new friends again.
everything is calemer currently that it is summer and i am trying to feel better but i feel that the depression is starting to set back in and when school starts again at my white kid preppy ass shit school on top of the hill, everything is gonna be back to “normal” and i mean deep depression. im going to counseling currently and i havent cut in over three months and im going to the psychatrist tomorrow morning for my antidepressants. but i hope it will be better. depression is the worst thing that can happen to a person. its not a battle you can win easily because its against your own mind and if you get fully over it, you are the strongest person i know.
now that i am hated by most of the adults in my church and my hair is purple and im considered “rebellious” i lost the support from my youth group and i consider suicide everyday. i shouldnt becuase i should just get over it right? now another boy just told me he likes me and he doesnt even know me. what do you think? he would totally still like me if i told him everything that has defined me, right? well this is my tragic life story. if you read it to this part i applaud you.