When life is tiresome and pointless then death has an almost magical allure, never to wake up again to a life of pain and loneliness, I wish I could have a quick way out but I seem to just keep going and putting up with it. I feel so embarrassed with my problems and it’s only a matter of time before I’ll suffer the humiliation of discovery and the doctors wonder why I suffer paranoia. If I hold on then I can’t guarantee my mental state as it fluctuates but I’m scared of death and I’m scared of living.
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I don’t really know your story.. Can you give me a quick run down? How old are you?
I’m 45 and male, suffer from depression and it’s this problem that is the killer and I struggle to tell the doctors who can’t help me anyway, it’s best I hide it away, all covered up and pretend it’s not there. I’m lonely as no woman would want me and so I keep myself to myself, but the paranoia, the talking behind my back, oh how I envy others who are outgoing and have lives that I only dream of.
I’m sorry to hear all that.
I know it isn’t easy. Me personally I get really bad anxiety when I’m alone which is pretty much most of the time. I try to be a social butterfly but it looks like that’s all over for now. I have no idea who I am or what I’m doing but I know that live is worth living. Life is what you make of it, after all! ……lol
Sorry…bad joke!
lol, I like bad jokes and life is what you make it I totally agree even if dealt a bad hand of cards but people have it worse than me, a lot worse but I just feel so drained but I thank you for your reply, it helps keep me going.
Yeah see that kinda what we all gotta keep saying to ourselves.. “There’s always some one who has it way worse” and then you gotta laugh to yourself after saying that, knowing the actual reality is very tragic in comparison to our twisted and fragile mental conditions, our degenerative physical state, or even our inevitable and impending fate to die hopeless scared and alone. At least we didn’t live the life of slaves or worse, I guess!