I’ve been thinking about suicide for years. I don’t know when I’m going to end but hopefully it’s soon. I’ve lived a horrible past with my uncle and cousin mollesting me at age 6. I feel disgusted with myself, letting them touch me and not saying a word. Why me? Thank goodness I had puberty and that got them to stop. But ever since then I’ve been really depressed with accepting myself. On birthdays I wished for death yet nothing has happened I’m a wuss to try anything and rather have things come at me than running to them. The only way I deal with […]
Hi every miserable self loathing being! Don’t let your youth be the end of you. Believe it or not, its the best part of your life. It gets much worse as life grinds on and on. I’m 38 and have suffered chronic depression as long as I can remember. My youth was filled with constant bullying and a knowledge of being less than. I have always been overweight, unattractive and poor. Looked upon and treated like a lepper.
People always say your a great guy, smart, fun, nice, blah blah blah. But when the chips are down, its just me. Holding the bag while they all […]
I don’t know where to start.
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. That alone was absolute hell. Every day was about reading the bible and going door to door to convert people. I never had time to be a kid. To make it worse fun was practically a sin. When pokemon came around I wasn’t aloud to play, because Pokemon were “Demons”. When Harry Potter came around I wasn’t aloud to read, because harry potter is a “Warlock.” Instead I spent my entire youth learning how to speak in tongues, how to convert someone, that I’m a bad person. There were no holidays in my […]
It’s funny how once you make a decision life is a lot more calm. I know that I want to die and I know that I want it to be soon. I don’t have official plans and I don’t know if it will be on my own time or if it will be because I am careless and get into an accident. Either way will be ok. I just know it is my time to go. I feel calm knowing that my decision is made. I am in no way happy, the days are long but soon it will be over.
back again. and again. and again. why won’t it stop?? i wish it would stop coming back. that feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness. the utter lack of happiness. it never leaves, just goes to sleep for awhile. almost 3 years now. but now its back and im scared and alone and i cant get out of this hole. i dont want to be here anymore. please just make it stop. i want out. but i’m trapped in this fucking circle and i cant get away from it. sadness. depression. anger. death. the only things i can count on to never leave
Well I’m still around. Just want to post to encourage myself and maybe others to keep trying. Im not sure If Ive gotten any better over the last 8 months. A lot of meds, counselling and quitting addictions and I’m still suicidal.
It’s 4.25am and I’ve just came home from an hour long walk, the truth is I was looking to commit suicide tonight and my chosen method was to jump off a high ledge and land in the sea, dying of either shock, head injuiry, drowning or hypothermia or a combination of them all. I live in a seaside town so I thought this would be a very easy thing to accomplish but the highest point in the town where it would be possible to die is fenced off with barb wire. I spent a while looking for a lot of other spots but no where […]
So I’ve watched the movie 7 Pounds a few times. If you haven’t seen it, you should. If you like Will Smith that is. I’ve always wanted to make an impact on humanity. Or at least leave something of a mark, even if it’s not something people will remember a 100 years from now. If I could simply give someone else life through my death, I could end on that note. So I’ve researched the Box Jellyfish. It’s the deadliest Jellyfish, if not the deadliest creature in the sea. It’s venom is considered among the most deadly. So as the movie goes, Will Smith commits […]
Attempt one will be tonight, three hours from once this has posted, and I’ll be drinking bleach. Fingers crossed.
I can’t take it. He keeps hitting me and touching me and I can’t make him stop, you’re not allowed to tell your own fucking father what to do. It hurts. My hair is falling out slowly and he’s noticed when he pulls my hair and that kind of makes it worse.
As I’m typing this I’ve got three bottles of tequila and will be downing them as I go, I’m sorry if this becomes hard to read.
Everyone tells me bleach burns, but honestly, I like the burning. […]
Today has been one of the toughest day of my life. I block all those people who have hurt me. Why bother keeping in touch with them, why bother letting them know that I’m dying, they won’t care. Like today I lost a friendship today. I spoke the truth, but he either didn’t care or just to worry about his past that he didn’t want another problem. Or maybe I was blabbing my mouth just to get him out my life. But I’ve realized that it was a sign. Him and the others weren’t worth my attention because they never wanted it in the first […]
This is my first post… I’m not really sure what to say or how to begin…I’m not seeking attention or guidance per say, I only feel the need to vent.
All I know is that I cannot remember the last time I truly felt happy and content in my life. I suppose I won’t go into much detail, but I guess it started when my mom went to jail for the first time a few years back.
I struggled with my life over the next few years, and I still do. But lately I’ve just felt it hard. I don’t want to continue on with my life. […]
“Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time, here comes the start of every sleepless night, the first of every tear I’m gonna cry…”
Two months ago you were here.. and two months ago you died. Out of nowhere, and my heart has never felt so much pain. I keep trying to understand and I just don’t.. & I hate that I don’t.. This pain is unbearable. You were my best friend, my very best friend who knew every little thing about me and now you’re gone. We shared a connection no one understood and we loved each other so much. I can’t believe it would’ve […]
I saw all of this news about ISIS beheadings and Ukraine in despair, and to be honest, I don’t really care about it anymore. I almost wish that ISIS would take over and America would get involved in a nuclear war with Russia, because that would increase my chance of dying. Why fucking bother with humans? We’re never satisfied with what we have. I am no exception. Life feels so unfortunate, like a losing game. Whichever path chosen leads to death and disappointment. Fall in love only to fall out of it or want to cheat because one lover is not enough. Of course, that […]
I feel like I have this disorder. It’s not official now, as it had been removed due to controversy, according to good ol’ always-100%-trustworthy Wikipedia. Still, I just can’t help but wonder why people are so positive if everyone is going to die, and we all live just to be slaves to people that have more money or fame than us. I always think about whether or not I should or if I am going to off myself. I don’t do it, though, because I have the slightest hope that something good will last until the day I die, and I also feel that I […]
Saying goodbye is possibly the hardest thing a single human has to do. You take so much things for granted and when you have to let them go, the feeling is indescribable. But I don’t like to say goodbye, I’d rather say Hello, it doesn’t hurt as much. So don’t say good bye and I won’t forget. Because saying good bye means forgetting. I don’t wanna forget though. …Even the porcelain dolls that you have to say goodbye to, it harms everything in my chest when thought’s sink in.
I must go now, so talk soon maybe.
For the past year everything has been going wrong. I keep falling down deeper and deeper, I don’t even know what the light of hope looks like anymore. My senior year was supposed to be my year to shine but it wasn’t, from start to end everything screwed up. Apart of me feels like god has really forgotten about me this time, of everything that has happened I have the need to look past him and wonder if I should even question his existence. In September, a month after school started I got into a school bus accident with an eighteen wheeler, I got seriously […]
Went to see my GP today for a repeat prescription. I was totally honest and told him everything. He immediately referred me time to the “crisis team” wtf is that all about?
If I went back a year in time i would have certainly made many more drastic decisions that would have prevented me from getting to this point in life, and yet here I am. I have everything to live for, except for the will or enthusiasm. one year ago today i fell into a fugue state that has kept me from feeling anything. I am operating only on my left brain. The analytical side. The smart side. The correct side. And I am finally i am considering its intentions. I am considering that in one year if i am still alive i will only wish […]
Yesterday, I got a package in the mail, but it was delivered to my aunt’s house. I went to her house, and when I saw the handwriting on the package, my knees buckled and the tears started to pour out my eyes.
It was my mother’s handwriting. My aunt explained before my mom died last week, she sent the package to my aunt because she knew she didn’t have much time left. It was postmarked 25 August 2014, two days before she […]
That’s my name, and I think it’s wonderful. x)
That’s all I have to say. Um. Yep!