Yep. There was a chance for me in April where I could have died from cyanide poisoning. As painful as that would have been, I’d be dead right now. My suffering would have ended there. I hate myself for not doing it, for not taking the chance I had.
I thought I could make a life for myself, for my Grandmother’s sake at the very least, but things have gotten worse since then. I’m making excuses, whatever. I want out right now. I’m going to try again tonight. It should work if I’m serious enough.
In case it does work; I bid thee farewell.
<3
18 comments
My Grandmother’s birthday is on the 15th. Dying now would be such a blow to her. She’s already been through so much. I feel horrible, but I feel that this is the only way. I’m sure she’ll understand in time — that I was so helpless — so hopeless, I was already a drain on so many resources. I’m tired of being a burden.
hi twistedspace I’ve read all your post and feel your pain I thought I was the only black person on here. If you are seeing this then I guess your atempt failed. I heard exit bags are an effective method.
Hey guys. Any of you still there. I just need someone to talk to. I feel exactly the same way…..on the edge
Hello littleray,I tried to hang myself twice.But everytime I just can’t muster the courage to kick the chair.I feel so weak.Everything is getting worse with time.
There is amitraz and dichlorvos lying around my parents house. ..both of which are pesticides. Trouble is that I don’t know if they will work. Cuz I don’t want to fail. Plus they smell pretty horrible. I’ve tried to get more than
Lethal stuff like cyanide but there are so many scams.
Sorry bet your asleep. It’s 12 noon where I am. Hence the endless responses
Hey Luke been reading lots of your comments. Am really happy someone has finally responded to me. Am thousands of miles away from most people here but am going through a hell of a time. Dono if I can be strong much longer. I just want to die. Things are getting worse for me too. I can only imagine how you feel.
Thank u for reading my posts,littleray.I don’t have any friends so when people talk to me in a supportive way.I feel very blessed.Don’t ingest any pesticides they don’t work unless and until u have a very strong stomach.Those pesticides won’t kill u but will make things very painful also.I mean it can destroy your liver and other internal organs.So littleray,how r old u? And what is the main reason for your sadness.
Thanks for that Luke. Am 26…. was dating this guy for five years. Then came a proposal. You know those are things we dream of as little girls. Nway we had an engagement party with both families and exactly 2 months after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me and left.. no signs…no warnings…no fights… just out of the blue. Was in denial at first then my world came crushing on me. The really saddest part is that I was also 2 months pregnant then. And wen I tried to speak to me he said….oh well that child will be taken care of…
Really broke me. Only been in 2 relationship’s and I tend to love alot. Ud call me a hopeless romantic. When I said he was my world. He really was.
I just can’t imagine how you can live with yourself after that. And hurts that he did it so coldly. Told me life goes on…am going on with mine so you better move on.
Just even talking about ithe makes me tear up. So I’ve been depressed for almost 2 months now. Dono how to pick up the pieces.
Oh,I m so sorry to hear that.I didn’t people are capable to descend to such levels of selfishness.I mean he obviously isn’t a good man.If u kill yourself little ray,u r going to kill your child with u,isn’t it?. So u know lets not take any harsh decisions now,take a step back and lets think the situation.
Oh,I m so sorry to hear that.I didn’t people are capable to descend to such levels of selfishness.I mean he obviously isn’t a good man.If u kill yourself little ray,u r going to kill your child with u,isn’t it?. So u know lets not take any harsh decisions now,take a step back and lets rethink the situation.
It’s not fair to bring an innocent little person in such a selfish hateful world. Also am supposed to be my child’s support system but I can’t even support myself.
Yes that’s very true.But u have to live , u know,at least for your child.I know u can support yourself because u have been supporting yourself for the past 2 months.You are a real fighter,littleray.And your name also signifies it,because u still got a little ray of light left in u.And sometimes a little ray of light is all that takes to brighten someone’s life.
Thank’s Luke. Your very kind and supportive. The world needs people like you. I hope I can stand strong. But I really don’t think so. God knows I’ve tried. But I can’t anymore. Thez only so much pain a human body can take. I think I’ve had it.
I chose that name because I thought I would stand through all of this. But my feet are literally wobbling right now. Not hopeful anymore
Yes,I know its really very difficult for u.But why would give up your life for a selfish man who never genuinely loved u in the first place.You never did anything wrong,did u? You should not be punished for someone else mistakes.Trust me when I say one day in the near future when your fiance will look back at this decision,he will regret it.He is the one who should be depressed not you.You hang in there things will eventually work out.You are a good person and so nothing bad will ever come to u.
Funny thing is I did nothing. He even told his friends that but he has his own problems and needs to get way. But really?
Luke we are from different cultures. In my country an engagement party is major.of 250 guests. I have to constantly put on a straight face for people and act like everything is normal. Especially cuz am pregnant.
Thenz the heartache then the humiliation. Anyone going through a pregnancy should have support. It’s a hard thing . Trust me. It’s a terrible time. So it’s alot to deal with. And all wat I feel doesn’t bother him in a way. Apparently he is moving on well. It’s soo sad. Am sorry for overly whinning.
Its alright,littleray.You don’t deserve this.I mean this is just too much for one person to endure.That man put u through a lot of pain.Its difficult,it really is.If u don’t mind me asking which country are u from?