I’ve started visiting this site a bit too often.It means to me that my life is going from bad to worse. This is definitely not a good sign.I don’t know how my life happened to end up this way. The sole cause is me myself. I cannot appreciate a single thing around me. I cannot appreciate a little good whatsoever my parents do for me or the words of wisdom people pass down on me.I have one or two friends who actually care for me.I’m young so maybe I’m yet to see some good things coming on my way. But, no. I cannot see the bright side though I know it exists. I was depressed but not suicidal but now I’m actually considering suicide as an option. I’m stuck somewhere.I know if I pick myself up and work on my courage again I’d be able to sort a quarter of my complications. No it isn’t happenning. I’ve tried a thousand times. I’ve tried hours of meditation and also spent time watching motivational videos. I’ve just concluded that nothing external is going to implant “optimism” inside me. I’ve posted in this site for half a dozen times but almost everytime with different usernames. Just because after writing something in extreme pain and frustration, I used to fix myself up somehow and swear that I’m never coming back.I can sense this time there is no fixing up.I know I should fight. Where has all my spunk gone? I know if I stand brave this time I might hear few good news but unfortunately there isn’t a single force in this universe to bring back my spunk.I lost myself a couple of years back and till this date I’m still searching. In fact I’m tired of doing that. Somebody help me. I’m sinking. There is a slim chance that optimism might get me afloat but this looks almost impossible to me now.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
NowOrNever,
First, I’d just like to say that visiting this website is nothing you should be ashamed of. While you may view it as regression of some sort, there is nothing wrong with finding solace in conversing with like-minded individuals. In fact, it can often do a great deal of good.
You said you were once depressed, but not suicidal and recognize that you are indeed capable of picking yourself up and working on your courage. That is a good sign, even if you feel the return would not be great (after all, working out a quarter of your complications is a start and definitely better than nothing).
I think you should take a deep look at WHY you feel you cannot appreciate anything around you, as that appears to be the root of your struggles. Perhaps your depression has simply worn you out. That is common. In any event, I do hope you figure things out. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
Thank you L4Y. You know I’m quite a stupid kind.You sound very wise to me. Its sad if you’re going through some suicidal thoughts or any kind of depression.
L4Y’s Post is right on! There is no reason to be embarrassed or think that you are messed up because you come here. This is a place where people can vent and receive help. Lots of people need help and support and find support in group therapy or some organization to help them along.
I know a person who was once and alcoholic then started to go to AA meetings and has been clean and sober for 25 years but stil goes to the AA meetings. There is comfort in communicating with people who have been though or re going through similar situations as you.
From reading your post I believe that you KNOW deep down that you CAN turn things around and make life much better than it is now for yourself. And I know you can too. You just need to get over the fear. I think fear is holding you back from getting your life back on track and finding happiness. Let go of the fear. Just decide that you are going to put a full effort into making things better for yourself. You know you can learn to appreciate things and appreciate life. It will just take some time and some adjusting. Start little by little taking inventory of your life.
What in your life is Good and what in your life is not good. Then dump the bad stuff.
What is good about your personal self and what would you like to change about yourself…. then begin to change. You can do it. Get the mindset that from now on you are going to be Forever In a State Of Improvement in every area of your life and the more you try the better things will get for you.
Good luck.
Post here anytime you like
you can email me too if you want to chat privately upforever56@hushmail.com
NowOrNever,
Well, thank you 🙂 And I don’t think you are stupid at all – perhaps just exhausted from dealing with so much. It can definitely cloud a person’s judgment. We are all only human, after all.
Yes, I’ve definitely had suicidal thoughts in the past and I suppose I still do deal with depression on some level. I’ve used the term “suicidal remission” before and I think that would be a good description of my own situation.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)