….the end. Hopefully soon.
cut myself for the first time in 4 years yesterday.Spend most days drunk on alcohol/valium or both yet still going to work but it’s getting harder. The fact I get a train doesn’t help, it would be easy to jump in front of one cause I get plenty of option to but hey, I don’t wanna fuck up their lives by hitting me.
wanting to throw myself downstairs daily is so frustrating, other people seem to be happy! What the fuck is that?
Im glad they are but i’m just wondering how that feels!
I wanted a gun, but in the UK it’s pretty difficult. Don’t think I’ll find 2 people who would want to give a suicidal person a reference for a gun license!
Argh just the general frustration of hate.
1 comment
Yeah, there are days when the train sounds so easy, fast. So simple. Then there are the pills. You can easily take a few too many of those with alcohol. A tight plastic bag around your head at that point and your almost guaranteed to succeed. But….. when you do take everything into consideration, there are those that you may fuck up by your actions and so on and then it all starts to slowly fall apart.
I have no idea how those happy people feel as it has been more than 3 decades since I had a carefree, happy-go-lucky day in my life. I see this too and it seems fake. Its sometimes aggravating. Wtf are they so happy about and what the hell is stopping them from seeing all the horrible shit in this world?
Anyway, just thought I’d let you know there is someone that can relate.