Sometimes I wonder if my suicidal thoughts have a reason behind them. I mean, I know I want to die because my life is not something I appreciate, but does it have a medical reason? Could I even have depression? Could I get help?
I don’t know why I never thought of that before. I don’t want psychological help, but could it be a possibility? My family never worried about this kind of problems because I never let people know about my emotions, I’m good at hiding.
I’m really curious about this, but at the same time I don’t care. If I actually have some kind of illness or whatever, I don’t think I want to change my suicidal thoughts with medication.
To die is the only thing I’m sure I want.
1 comment
Two things came to mind when I read your post. First, there are tons of medical issues that can cause depression, feelings of worthlessness, lethargy – from hormonal problems to physiological things altering our brain chemistry. My experience is that the medical professionals tend to look for cognitive or psychological causes before they investigate potential physical roots for depression and anxiety. I know, that isn’t much help.
Second, there is a reason you think your feelings aren’t important or that you need to hide your real emotions from people close to you. Believe me, that in and of itself is cause to feel depressed or anxious. Family, close friends – these are people that you should be able to trust with your feelings and if you can’t, or you feel you need to put on a “happy face” when you feel like crap then something is wrong. You are reacting to unreasonable expectations or you are fearful of disappointing someone. And you shouldn’t be.
The truth is you deserve to be accepted, respected and loved by those close to you even if you aren’t happy all the time. If you don’t feel you can trust anyone with your true feelings you are naturally going to feel unloved or inadequate. You can get help without necessarily taking medication to change your feelings – the reality is that medication can’t change your feelings or emotions but it can help stabilize certain problems with brain chemistry that ultimately affect behavioral problems or exaggerations in mood such as anxiety or severe depression, or when a diagnosis exists like bipolar or dissociative disorders that cannot be helped through therapy.
What I am trying to say is, you deserve to feel good and you don’t have to keep your feelings locked away. There is help, and writing/posting about how you feel is a good place to start. I hope you find the answers you are searching for.
– peace