I am drinking a beer. I have dried tears on my distant face. I am reminded of the most severe pain I’ve ever experienced. I have glimpsed into my father’s mind and seen a tiny bit of the damage that relentless emotional damage, drugs and physical pain were causing him: before he decided that he did not want to deal with any of it anymore. “…made me turn to drugs and use the needle and my drug addiction to destroy myself..” “Makes me want to be left alone and not bothered by people.” “My moods are usually controlled by how often I think of my past and childhood. I am usually in a down mood and I do not get excited anymore about anything.” “I have past the point where I can help myself out of my depression…” And lastly from a different letter he wrote: “I will try to do what is right for the rest of my life and with my wives help and an excellent doctor and God watching over me I will continue to live.” – (My Dad’s Name)
I am blogging because I too struggle with depression. I have decided to deal with my ongoing grief by writing about it this time.