I was offered a new job today that was by all means a great opportunity. I felt so hollow accepting cause it meant I’d be alone there, when I’m alone every other way.
My on/off partner is interstate, I moved away from him after he kicked me out. It’s been 2 years he has promised me he would move here with me, but always seems 6 months more away. I left my family and friends due to this and yet when I visit them I don’t feel anything.
The bulk of my day when I don’t work I fantasise about my own death. I even walk alone late at night hoping someone will attack me. It’s kinda funny people think I’m so functional.
As I see it it’s a good choice to end it. I did well in my life. I had an abortion of a baby I wanted this year, but i can honestly say beyond that I have no regrets. It all comes down to how. I’ve tried and failed so many times before
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As someone who has planned to end it twice the last two weeks, I understand how you feel. Both times I backed out, just an hour or so before the final countdown. I don’t know why yet. I’m working on an answer. I think it’s just a matter of time before I’m able to finish the job. Because every day is worse than the last.