I’m 33 and I have felt unloved my entire life. My family doesn’t think Im good enough. My dad called me a screw up a loser n that I’ll never amount to anything. And no man will ever love me. I have been in love with a man (my sons father) for 10 yrs. yes he cheats. Yes he’s living with his daughters mother but still is wanting to be with me. I am naive. I have never felt love like I have felt from him. I trust him I adore him I stood by him thru think n thin. He helped me become better. Helped me get off coke n meth addiction (I’m 8 yrs clean now) and I love him with all my heart. But I don’t feel like he loves me the same. He doesn’t make an effort to show his love. He wants me to make the effort all the time. And I do. My sister my mom my friends all have abandoned me. I am emotional and I can’t help that I speak the truth on how I think or feel. I’ve lost all the ppl I love the most. Why doesn’t anyone love me with their all? What’s wrong with me? I pray all the time God will kill me in car accident. The one time I tried suicide I hung myself with a rope and rope broke in half. I felt my body convulsing and I blacked out n then sometime later woke up on the floor with broken rope. I still haven’t forgave God for not allowing me to die. All I want is for this emptiness and pain n sadness n worthless to go away. I just want to fe happy n loved. I love so hard. But never receive the love back. Not even from my family or my “boyfriend” of 10 yrs. I hate my life. I just want to be in heaven.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
10 comments
I’m sorry you aren’t loved the way you love. I too love with my whole heart and sometimes wonder if others are simply incapable of feeling emotions with the same intensity as me.
I’m so sorry the man you love chose another woman to live with. That must be excruciating.
It’s my opinion that the longer you pine over lost love, the less time you have for a new, healthier love. Someone who deserves the kind of loyalty and caring you are capable of.
Good Luck. I hope you find some contentment.
Thank you for your encouragement. The hardest part is that my “boyfriend ” still wants to see me and be with me but says he is stuck bc of his girlfriend will keep their daughter away from him if he is with me n leaves her. She won’t allow our son n their daughter to even know they are brother n sister. N I kno he loves me. Bc he tells me how happy I make him n how he’s so miserable with her. They don’t even sleep in same rooms. It’s just sad bc both of us have never felt love like we feel from each other. But it hurts so bad bc why can he not just take a chance with me n stop allowing her to she their daughter to keep him from being with me. I love their daughter and I would never keep him from her or our son from him. It drives me crazy bc I trust him n love him more than life. But I get confused in his true feelings for me. Bc I know he loves me. But why is he so scared to be with me. And if he loved her then he wouldn’t still be coming to spend time with me n telling me he in love with me n how happy he is with me. I feel like my mind n heart can’t take this constant state of confusion. I’m so broken. If it weren’t for my son I would’ve put a bucket thru my head by now. Bc honestly I feel like if I killed myself I would be in heaven n at peace n loved. I hate this hole in my heart. I miss my “boyfriend” so much. Just laying next to him at night brings me the most peace n comfort I’ve ever had in my life. What’s wrong with me? Why am I never good enough. I just want this pain to stop. But it never does.
It’s not you. Imagine the love you have for your son. Reading how much you love people, I’m sure you’d take a bullet for him. Your “boyfriend” may be doing the same thing. He’s choosing his daughter.
There is nothing wrong with emotion. This doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. It’s two adults living with choices they’ve made. He isn’t necessarily thinking you aren’t good enough, but how could he risk losing his daughter? What would her life be like without him?
I’m trying to say that while he may love you, he’s not willing to risk losing his daughter. Could you risk losing your son?
My son is his son. We have a son together. And he has a daughter with another woman. Our kids are 3 yrs apart. A few wks after we got together we found out his ex gf was preg. I got preg 3 yrs later with his son. It’s been a back n forth of him going between me n her. When he lived with us she would not allow him to see his daughter out if spite bc he was with me n our son. But yet she had a boyfriend living with her n daughter. I just want my family. And he says I make him so happy and he does not feel like she loves him for him. It’s complicated. It’s like he’s stuck bc he knows I would never keep our son from him. N I’m always here for him. But yet he is now living with her n she doesn’t allow him to see his son so he sneaks around to see us. I just feel like something has to be wrong with me bc I do everything n anything to make him happy. But I feel like he doesn’t do the same. Not to me or to his other girlfriend. He says he’s in love with both of us. But I don’t see how that’s possible. It kills me on the inside. Bc we are so close n he is not that close and honest or opens up to her. Why won’t he just take a chance n be with the one who he says makes him happy (me)?
The only person who can answer that is him.
You aren’t the one not stepping up to the plate for this relationship, so why would the fault lie with you? It doesn’t. He’s not manning up to his responsibilities to your son – that’s on him.
why don’t you leave your boyfriend? your boyfriend does not cares about you. there are millions of others boys that compatible with you and you should start making love with one of them.
He is the only happiness I’ve ever felt. He loves me for me. My craziness n all. N we have 10 yrs with each other and a son. He stood by me thru rehab I stood by him thru 2 yrs prison. He was my rock. I was his Also. I’m also weird when it comes to men. But he is the only man I’ve EVER felt comfortable with like intimately. I’m scared to give up bc I don’t want to give up bc “what if it ends up working out” n I could finally have my whole happiness. Idk. I just took a lot of xan n I’m just Gonna sleep as long as I xan It’s like I’m happiest asleep bc when I dream it’s happy n perfect. The way I wish real life was
You just want to be in heaven?Damn religion just wont stop doing that to people.
But anyway i wish you a painless and quick death ;D
He does not love you. The other woman gave him a choice and he chose her. You allow him to be with you and her. Ask yourself if you gave him the same ultimatum would he choose you. Deep down you know he would not. This may sound harsh but until you can accept this reality you will suffer. I have been through this, more than once. I choose people who do not love me. Subconsciously i feel i dont deserve real love because im not good enough. I cant tell you how to feel and know you deserve better because i don’t know either but i do know that once you let go if this one sided relationship you will feel better and be able to focus on yourself and how to fix you.