What point is there? As I get older, everyone splits off into couples and I sit here like a fucking lonely moron. I don’t want to date anyone, I want to be surrounded by my “friends” who can’t wait to ditch you every chance they get for a significant other (or simply someone better). I’ve been off my mood stabilizers and antidepressants for about 3 weeks now, but I’m thinking of starting up my mood stabilizers again because it is unbearable to deal with this constant fucking oscillating range of emotions. I think I’ll just submerge myself in as many drugs and mind alternating substances as possible. At least then my life will have a purpose, and I’ve always wanted to kill myself when I felt on top of the world. It’s so fucking lonely and I realize I only have myself now. I am so filled with hate hate hate for everything, everyone, and myself. Have I been kicked out of my friend group because of who I am as a person, or due to things not having to do with me other than no one making time for me or wanting to chill anymore?
I was almost happy before it all fell apart, why would I be so dumb?
32 comments
Real friends wouldn’t ditch someone for someone “better”. Real friends stick by one another through the thick and the thin. If they ditched you like that, they should hardly be considered friends. Find real friends. And don’t let people dictate your moods, because people will never fail to dissapoint.
Easier said than done… Finding actual true friends is harder than you think. I really thought I had them and now they’re distant and gone. & how can you control your emotions? If I’m let down I’m not going to smile about it and pretend it doesn’t hurt.
Gotta live life in the moment and not depend on others to bring you peace of mind.
I didn’t grow up with anybody. Moved around as if my parents were in the military.. but they weren’t.. they were just idiots! Where was I going with this? Oh yeah..I had to learn how to make new friends everywhere I go and know that sometimes friendships are only temporary. Honestly..I wouldn’t want permafriends..cause that means you have to watch them die off or move on to better things!
All you can do is live life for yourself, accept that you will have good days and really low days, try to have fun and appreciate the good times when and where you can get them.
Ok…so maybe there is a few things you can do in life without permafriends.
That’s my new word.. “permafriends” ..ya read it here first! Make sure you tell ya tempofriends! 😉
It’s nice feeling like I belong and that maybe someone would come to my funeral and be genuinely upset. Temporary friends don’t provide that reassurance.
Is it possible for you to make new friends?
I mean…I don’t really have a choice in the matter so I don’t care about keeping friends.
Recently one person I thought was my good friend went into the hospital with some serious issues..I thought she was gonna die. I just wanted her to know that I cared. I tried to visit but they wouldnt let me see her. So she had her surgery..she got out of the hospital..and i still haven’t heard from her. Basically she could care less if I cared. I just have to accept it the way it is. Dwelling on the situation of being friends isn’t going to grant me peace of mind. And if she calls me eventually..I’m not just gonna act like a ***** and make her life hard over it. You can be a good friend..but if that’s not what people want then you have to accept it. Life is too short..or too long.. pick your poison on that issue because that’s life.. I’m sire that sounds insensitive but I’m just saying.. be a good friend to people when they are there for you and when they arent..still be a good friend. That’s all you can do.
Or right everyone off! It really don’t matter!
We are all just funny sacks of meat playing house and dress up and tea party..and licking each other’s nuts for a smidgen of validation in this life.
I cant just tell you to enjoy the time you have and memories you make with people. That’s all up to you on how you want to see life for the rest of yours.
I hope good friendships are right around the corner for you. I really do.
I just want to hug somebody! Not cause I need it.. but just because it would be fuck’n awesome to hug someone. No one to hug doesn’t mean I still wouldn’t want to. No one to hug right now doesn’t mean there won’t ever be someone to hug later.
Have faith in yourself
just not worth it anymore.
Oh pitty me pitty me wah wah wah! Lol
you are entitled to feel however you want. Don’t expect people to be so understanding. Seems like you expect a lot more than you give in your life. That’s just not gonna happen.
That’s cause you don’t see a bigger picture. It’s too easy for people to just feel sorry for themselves and ask for pitty and attention. In that sense youll never get what you want. Saying you dont care when you obvioudly just want attention. Raising questions that you don’t want answers to. Selfishness and sorrow for ones self. And anger at anyone and everyone for no good reasons. But it’s no one’s fault. You probably can’t even see that you have it better than so many people out there. I’m not the first to tell you this I’m sure and i wont be the last, no doubt.
Ain’t even gonna push the matter. I don’t waste my time with people like you and no one should. I’m only writing this so that others can see that even in a place like this sometimes we don’t stand for bullshit excuses when there is so many real problems in the world. Believe it or not you need your ass verbally kicked for your own good.
No need to reply to this, I will pass you up from now on so your words ain’t gonna be read by me.
you’re a total ****, don’t comment on a SUICIDE WEBSITE these things. people like you deserve to kill themselves.
@realtalk what makes your problems more significant than anyone elses?
and arent we all “selfish” and have “sorrow for ones self” or we wouldnt be on this site in the first place?
Never said my problems were more significant, but my ability to overcome many problems and move on with my life against the odds..that’s what a lot of people (kids) don’t get.
I gave this kid a hard time cause he’s got no reason to cry. Friends? Dude.. there are people on here who can barely walk, have limited time on earth, addiction, or are deformed from birth. Attention seekers have no place here in my opinion. Go out and live life if it’s an option. I’ve been here for like 3 years.. if the admin feels that I am wrong or am just trolling, he would tell me. There are people here who know my story, that’s all that matters. This isn’t a competition to see who has the worst problems. That’s just ignorant.
And no..there are many people here who aren’t selfish and they still have real problems.
The anger expressed here has no effect on anyone but the ones who are angry. So words mean nothing.
I have a lot of compassion and understanding for those who have real issues but I also tell it how it is. You can’t hide here expecting everyone to feel sorry for you. This is still the real world and you can’t avoid the truth.
This dude was complaining about his friends moving on to live their own lives. That’s what people do..that’s real life. But he makes it about himself, he got solid advice and truth.. then says it’s not worth it. Like..ok.. then you get told straight how you are acting. Like a baby.
And i don’t stand for people telling others that it’s ok to kill themselves. That’s just bullshit immaturity especially if they have no real life issues like this dude.
Go out and make friends. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and telling people you are gonna kill yourself. I’ve seen too many members of this site get taken advantage of for their compassion and the time they take to talk people down from the ledge. People that really care.
I’m one of them.
Trust me.. this doesn’t mean the world to me.. but it’s easy to type up, no sweat. So you are gonna read it or leave it. It’s always your choice.
how the fuck am i an attention seeker? you’re a worthless piece of shit who thinks you’re above everyone else. So what I’m not fucking deformed, my problems are real if they fucking bother me. I’ve been here longer than you have, so you can shut the fuck up about how long you’ve been here. I’m not selfish, I’m upset about how my life is right now and can’t understand what I’ve done wrong. I came here to vent, not to get shit from some stupid low life who probably ugly and fat on top of having a shitty personality. Boo hoo, you complain about some girl you have a crush on. I literally hope the worst happens to you because you deserve the absolute nastiest thing possible for bashing someone who’s genuinely upset. You don’t know my fucking situation considering I didn’t explain it in this post and you haven’t heard the things my friends have said to me. You don’t know my life, you don’t know what I’m going through. It’s not my friends just ‘moving on’ with their life. Fuck you, you’re a fucking ****. Your “temp friends’ are just that because no one likes a nasty low life like yourself who puts themselves above others. Rot in hell, you fucking prick.
i bet youre my age. come at me with real problems. friends aint shit. on a suicide site imagine living on your death bed
we can’t be the same age cause im not fucking 14
im not hating on you either. but theres always more to a story then what you read on a website. people need to vent and i feel like here is a good place to do that… as of now i come here looking for advice out of a dark place and peoples stories help me..but thats just me.
my head hurts
Nah, fuck that, dude.. I already said I ain’t reading your comments. Stop getting worked up about it. You are just making yourself more upset
Just breath, man.. idk.. do whatever you want.. post whatever you want
Someone will put up with you eventually
cause you’re a pathetic piece of shit who can’t handle the truth about yourself. Fucking adorable. Kill yourself.
im definitely not 14 and imm backing you up . no matter how the problem it hurts, @realtalk was not sensitive. i expected peace on this site. judge my inaccurate replies, its a suicide site, we got adddictions
no hate to @dead…welcome to a person who doesnt use forums
Wow shit I thought you were him talking. The little avatars look so similar, hence my unnecessary hostile comment towards you. I’m sorry dude, both the r usernames got me mixed up so I thought u were him. Didn’t mean to be rude to you dear
So so sorry
gotta love my random pink avatar. no hate. i just visit here since i hear like minded stories
Hey, I don’t know if you’ll come back and read my comment but I hope you’re okay. Unfortunately not everyone is going to agree with each other on this website but you should know your pain is not insignificant and you’re allowed to feel how you want to feel. I can relate to what you’re saying, being lonely is such an awful feeling but it hurts to be around people who you know will end up leaving you.
I don’t know why RealTalk30 made those comments in the first place, but don’t take it to heart. You should feel safe enough to vent on this website without being kicked while you’re down.
If you don’t understand how it started then read the whole thing. To sum it up, I asked a question and didn’t get an answer to it, (is it possible for you to make new friends?) instead she gave a generalized statement “not worth it anymore”.
Basically asking questions and not responding to answers. So I decided to see if there was any life in her at all. lol then she called me a **** lol so I saw some fire in that. But i also see a lot of confusion, she projects feelings out, but it’s actually a projection of how she sees herself.
It’s always easy to expose a persons true nature and intentions by (basically) making them angry. And she gave up a lot of truth about her intentions here.
If I have one apology to make.. it’s that I confused her for a boy at first. And for that I am genuinely sorry. Honestly, I don’t know why she didn’t correct me when I made that first comment in reference to thinking she was a boy. That also shows that she has no real intention to talk about her problems or even read comments carefully. Instead she generalized her issues for the sake of getting attention. I’ve been here long enough to know what’s going on with most people here.
I know these kinds of situations like the back of my hand.. cause I too use to seek attention in my real life, but I’ve overcome that.
I just want people to be strong, and the only way to do that sometimes is to make a person angry.
Notice how she started telling me about how she’s a better person than I’ll ever be. She never would have believed or admitted that if I didn’t make her angry, making myself the bad guy. Compassion and understanding doesn’t have to be kindness, it only needs to be effective.
Like I said.. I know what I’m doing. I don’t mind being the bad guy, if it means that it will bring out the strength in others.
And she showed her strength and faith in herself. If she can do that here, she can make friends in her own life.
I hope you see now, @dead you have much more potential than you believe.
Good luck
Well, okay, I just think you need to be a little more careful with your responses. I understand you’re an honest person, but one little push can send someone over the edge. Just try to be a little more understanding of others emotions.
That’s exactly what this website is, a venting site. I didn’t post this for attention, I was fucking crying my eyes out because I’m so close to killing myself because I genuinely think I have no one and I wouldn’t be missed at all. For you to say your problems are more significant, that’s low. Normally I never ever would do the name calling or anything like I said, very out of character for me. I stopped my meds cold turkey a few weeks ago and it’s definitely hitting me now, hence lashing out so harshly like I used to. When I get uncontrollable like that… They’re panic attacks. I get severe panic attacks that make me lash out just like that and say some crazy shit. Nothing I can do about it though. And this was posted 2 days ago I think, when yesterday I had an even worse day and found out something from the doctor I can’t do anything about. I don’t understand why it matters what gender I am, because being compassionate to a girl because I’m a girl would be sexism. Look at me as a person, not a walking vagina. What difference did it make if I answered your question about making new friends. That’s hard for me as it is. I’m a shy person and constantly paranoid that no one likes me or wants me around. I can’t just go out and make friends. It’s way too hard. Even in college I went an entire year there and have not made one true friend yet, besides my fucking ex who cheated on me in front of my fucking face and resulted in me getting a DUI. Why is it not acceptable that I have a really hard time connecting to people and making friends?
@hiohneh that’s exactly what I’m saying. It doesn’t matter your situation on what happens, it matters how it makes you feel regardless of how “insignificant” it may be. Yeah I have a good life but I have very real problems that make my life difficult, regardless of me not being an amputee, terminal disease, divorced parents, and no worry about money. That pisses me off when people put themselves above you because it doesn’t fuckint matter how big or small your issue is, it’s how you handle it and how it makes you feel.
@dead; You can’t let ignorant people dictate your mood. If someone says something and it’s obvious that they don’t know what they’re talking about it’s best just to ignore them.
I realize that’s easier said than done. But hey, the same people who live outside your door also have online access. There are asshats in the outside world as well as online. “Just because someone talks doesn’t mean that they’re worth listening too”. (Er something like that).
Anyway, best wishes & good luck.
I understand. I wanted to make sure you were okay because like I say in my reply to RealTalk30, one little push can send someone over the edge. This should be a safe place where people can come to and lay out their feelings without fear of being judged.
I’m usually not one to insert myself into disagreements but I found the comments made by RealTalk30 rather disturbing and felt the need to speak up. Sorry, I don’t mean to drag it along. I just advise RealTalk30 to think before he posts next time. I’m sure he’s a nice guy but his comments this time came across as very hurtful.
Anyways, I didn’t want to feel like you couldn’t share your feelings. If you need to vent, we’re hear to listen. If rude comments are made on your post, ignore it. Focus on the good.
@hiohneh thank you 🙂
@Morris I usually don’t but like I mentioned (I think) I stopped taking my antidepressants/mood stabilizers cold turkey recently and it’s been taking a toll on me, so I’ve been like hypersensitive.
I want to apologize to @dead and everyone.
I’m so sorry..
I know this isn’t a good excuse at all.. but i was in the middle of a horrible manic episode. .I think over the passed 2 and a half days. And I’ve crashed from that now. I realize I jumped a serious gun, and concluded assumptions that were not in my place to jump to.
That’s all I can say right now. You don’t have to forgive me, but I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.
I hope this atleast gives you peace of mind that my words and behavior are knowingly to myself, uncalled for. I know I am wrong. Hard for me to write this cause I’m not in my right mind frame.
But that’s the real truth here.
Again, I am truly sorry for my ignorant behavior and hurtful words.
You all belong here even more than I do
I’m trying my hardest
I am just so sorry
Don’t worry about it, like I explained, I was also having a panic attack which makes me lash out. I understand the manic, though. I get real bad like that since I’m bipolar so I completely get it. Makes sense to me now. Don’t worry about it!