Hello depression we meet again

No matter how I try to ignore this feeling it keeps coming back…it feels like its a part of myself and it’s wrong for me not to feel the pain or trying to distract myself from the monster inside me…3 days ago I threw away all my razor blades thinking that if I don’t cling to the thing that makes me feel that way it will slowly fade away…I was never so wrong in my life….for 3 days I thought I was invincible then boom!! My ex whom I still love so much found someone else…she has been ignoring me for weeks..at first I thought I would be OK without her and it was going good then this thing came up and well I’m here again with my stupid mental illness that non of my friends understand…sometimes I feel like just jumping off a ledge 🙁