I’m starting to have memory issues.
Sometimes, I forget I did simple things like brush my teeth or take a shower. After exams, I sometimes don’t remember anything about what the exam was about, and…
I’m scared. I’m afraid I’ll disappear. Fade out. Because if I forget everything about myself, am I still myself? Or am I just some empty shell, waiting to drop dead? A shadow? Because you know what happens to a shadow when it’s put in bright light, right? It disappears.
I don’t personally believe in God. Simply because if He was really all-loving and all-powerful, would He really leave us with things like misery, hate, fear and death?
Anyway, the only thing I have to keep in mind no matter what, is, well, the girl I went out with (I’ll refer to her as K from now on, it’s the first letter of her name).
She’s the only thing that remains constant in my memory.
The only part of my memory I can trust.
I don’t know if this is related in any way to the rest of my… ”problems”. I just felt like writing about a royal pain in the *ss that has been bugging me for weeks.
I don’t think I’m going to kill myself over all of this, though, but who knows.
It ain’t over ’till it’s over, right?
2 comments
True, it ain’t over until it’s over. It’s sweet of you that you rely on your memories that you went out with, and forgetting small things like brushing teeth or taking a shower really depends on your habit rather than memory. Also forgetting things after the exam is normal, heck even I sometimes forget what the exams I took was about. Believing in God is another matter though, that just depends how much faith you put into it.
Hi Unremembered, I just read your other post, and both are really interesting. First of all, is your memory loss a chronic condition like early Alzheimer’s? Or is it something more situational, like your mind is just so overloaded you can’t keep track?
Well either way, it’s no fun. Although I mostly have my wits about me, I’ve always been terrified of losing my memories. I used to compensate by keeping journals and daily lists of things I’ve done (thousands). Maybe you can try the same. It doesn’t change anything neurologically in your head, but it’s reassuring to know you could always look something up if you really needed to remember it.
Next question, is K an active part of your life? If yes, that’s awesome. Even if you’re just friends now. But if she’s not a part of your life that could be a problem because it would mean you’d be living in the past. That itself might not be a bad thing (if your memories are pleasant), but I’ve found that living in the past generally sacrifices your future.
Last question (from your other thread)… Hm, black holes & nukes. So I take it you think the universe would be better off without the human scourge? Haha well for the most part I agree with you. But as nihilistic as I am, there’s a side of me that thinks the human race can pull itself out of its tailspin. In other words, I can’t really condemn the whole bunch without seeing where we’ll be in 2000 years. Probably a bunch of radioactive dust. But there’s also the possibility that we’ll be a race of superheroes who hop from galaxy to galaxy putting out forest fires. Well, stranger things have happened…