My mother is dying. She has always been the head of the family and she runs everyone’s life. She likes to keep everyone under her thumb. Even now, she won’t do what the doctors tell her (they told her mid May she only had a few weeks to live) and now it is mid August. None of us are strong enough to cope without her. I wish she would tell me that she loves me, that she knows I’m a trying to be good person. But instead, even from her sick bed she is trying to get everyone to do as she says. I know I’m not good enough for her. I can’t stay calm. I can never be what she wants me to be. She is going to die with me feeling like a failure and I have to bear this for the rest of my life. I wish I could die too, rather than spend the rest of my life knowing that she considers me to be a disappointment to her.
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4 comments
i wish you had tell this to her. you will really get a good answer;i guess.
People like your mother have their own coping mechanisms. My grandmother acts the same way, she’s the head of the family and always does things according to her beliefs. The few times i’ve been able to get an completely honest conversation with her tho… i’ve gathered that the controlling things issue is a way of keeping things together.
In your case, it’s understandable that your mother hasn’t changed her ways at all, because if she’s controlled things all her life and is being faced with something she can’t control… what else is she going to do but keep on controlling other things that she still can? that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or that she thinks your a failure, but remember, she’s dying. Even if she doesn’t look like it, she’s surely scared and trying to deal with it the best she can, in the only way she knows. It’s hard to break out of old habits.
You might want to have an honest talk with your mother. Like joinel said above, you’ll only get an answer by asking. Try a careful approach and be honest with her, it’s possible you’ll get your answer and a whole lot more than you ever expected. Good luck.
I think that joinel gave you the best advice that any one of us could give. You have to find a way to talk to her and be honest about how you feel and brave enough to ask everything you need to know before it’s too late… Good luck.
I’m in the same boat but my mother Is not dying. I just feel inadequate . I want to go somewhere where I can be accepted , but I can’t find it at home and any job I’ve got I’ve got fired , not because of work ethic , but because I’m not good enough. anywho thanks for posting. You’re good enough for me, and I mean that.