I really have no reason to complain. I’ve done pretty well for myself. I got my degree, got a good job, etc. my students loaned will be paid off by early next year.
But in the pursuit of all this I lost one thing that has haunted me for years now. Love.
I was engaged to be married may 2013 to my college sweetheart. We’d been together through a lot of things, but there were some things I should have noticed were not right. She never really loved me. I denied it at first, but that’s the only conclusion. We got together in college because neither one of us wanted to be alone. And when college ended and she had her family to be with her… Well, she didn’t need me anymore.
It’s been a year since I’ve been on a date. It’s been two years since I’ve been in any serious relationship. I struggle with suicidal thoughts on occasion, but frankly I’m more scared of being unhappy, being a nothing for the rest of my life. Outside of getting my bachelors, I can’t recount anything else of substance I’ve completed. No matter what I do, it gets dull and I give up.
I don’t know what I’m doing any more. I just want a relationship like other people have. I’d rather be broke and in love than where I’m at now.
9 comments
Are you involved in anything? Go sign up for stuff and meet people, you’ve got a lot of living to do!
Cooking classes. Social justice volunteer orgs. Political campaigns. OKCupid. Dance classes.
Meet enough people and you get dates. Have enough dates and you’ll end up in a relationship. Have enough relationships and, um, something, something…
The best part: you are under no obligation to buy. You can quit the program at any time!
90% of success is showing up.
Thanks, guys. I’ll start by looking for groups in meetup. There’s a start.
It’s kind of funny, I’ve been using okcupid for a while now, I rarely even get a reply.
I even paid for a year of eharmony, with no luck. I was actively trying, too.
I think I need to try for more direct interaction. Thanks again.
OkCupid is cake!!! Just write a good sincere non-needy fun profile and don’t have a stupid pic. WOMEN READ EVERYTHING. Most guys profiles are sooooo dumb. Answer the profile questions like a non-judgemental adult. Never ever answer any of the sex questions. Don’t have a profile name like FuckMaster2000. Be nice.
@dare.poe Have you ever had any relationships that started on OkCupid? Some years ago I texted a few people I met there for like a month each and went on a couple dates with them, but I wasn’t seriously interested and they weren’t either.
I’m currently taken and “off the market,” but I’m just curious about others’ experiences on that particular dating site, haha. (The only one I joined, though I deactivated my account after a few months.)
Match.com: 1 ten year marriage, 1 five year relationship, 2? short termers. Plenty of Fish: 5? short termers. OKCupid: 3 six month relationships, 2 three month relationships, 25? short termers. This is from 1996 to today. I was polyamorous 1996 to 1999 and 2013 to 2014, so relationships then were running concurrently.
My OKCupid profile was about 7K words, which meant few women would make it through it, but those that did were very motivated to contact me. Most young ppl don’t have the patience to read lengthy profiles so I don’t recommend it if you are under 33.
@dare.poe Sounds like you’ve had a lot of luck with the ladies. Are you tall, blond, and blue-eyed by any chance?
Longevity, not luck. You learn alot about women if you keep your eyes and ears open, your mouth shut, and you live to be 55.
Yes, I’m 6’3″. 227 lbs. Yes, blue gray eyes. I was blonde right up until 1995 when I adopted my son, then, magically, all my hair fell out. I had some motherfucking great hair, too!
Poe’s Rules for Romance Success:
If you don’t ask you won’t get dates.
Be kind, fun, engaged, confident, sincere. Fake it if you have to. Fake it long enough and it becomes real.
No means no. Move on immediately.
Clean your car. Pick up the check but split it if they prefer it that way. Dress like a damn adult.
Always send a nice text after every date.
Always always flowers on the second date.
Always be honest and graceful when you end a relationship. Never place blame! If they are dumping you do everything in your power to make it painless for them, because…
…When your ex-girlfriends are your cheerleaders, other women for miles around take notice.
Learn to say yes. Wanna dance? Yes. Wanna eat this crazy foreign food? Yes. Wanna sit on my couch and listen to my scratchy vinyl records? Yes. The more you say yes the more you will enjoy yourself and the greater chance that they will say yes.
Never, ever, show one iota of jealousy. People that think jealousy is sexy are insane: Jealousy implies ownership. Ownership implies a person is a thing. Treating people like things is WRONG.
When it comes to sex be prepared to surrender all dignity and laugh at yourself. When it comes to sexual technique your one and only goal is to makes sure both of you have fun. You may have to ask point blank what they think is fun. Take notes if necessary.
Women’s bodies come in all shapes and sizes, treat every one you touch like god’s favorite kitten. Punching, pinching, slapping, rough squeezing are an anathema unto me sayeth the lord amen. Occasionally you will meet a woman that wants to be treated like a trombone. If so she will tell you. Once she tells you then trombone away with all the power and glory your masculinity can bring forth. Regardless, try to avoid leaving marks.
Safe. Sex. Always.
Always call and speak to your date the day after you first sleep together. You don’t have to say anything significant but let them know you are still interested and engaged.
Be mindfully engaged on dates. If they put away their phone then you do too.
Laughter is just as effective for seducing women as being hot.
Don’t whine. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t tell all your fucked up stories right away.
These rules are mostly applicable for women born 1950 to 1980, but generally they are a good guide for any person of any gender or orientation.
Ah… Left out a whole volume about kissing. Briefly: practice and ask your partner what they like.