I’m done, I just want to leave and put this agonizing existence behind me. Yet everyone has to keep telling me that it’s my “duty” that “I have to” to stay alive for everyone else. Bullshit no one gives a shit and I know that. If I disappeared tomorrow, the only person who would miss me is my mom and I’m sure she would get over it. I don’t matter in anyones life, everyone else has a better friend then me and just keep me around cause they are just sympathizing for the reject. After all, doesn’t everyone say that they need to get rid of friends like me? So why do they keep bothering, because they pity me thats why. I didn’t ask to be born, I didn’t ask to be the fastest sperm, I didn’t ask to even become a damn gamete but nature just needed a shit bag to laugh at I guess.
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4 comments
You matter to me. You matter to a complete stranger. You are no shit bag. You are a beautiful human being who is in pain.
Really , you should stay alive for other people out of love, not duty, and people do care about you even if you don’t see it. What’s a reject anyway something that doesn’t fit into the homogenized world, that can stand out on its own as special.
Maybe your purpose is to make people laugh:) Fastest sperm LMAO! Good one!
I can empathize with you. I have always felt awkward and out of place in about every setting. I have never really had friends. A few people have tried to hang out with me. But I was sure it was out of pity. I despise pity. I’d rather be alone than be pitied. So I totally get your anger at that.
You don’t have to stay out of duty. You could choose to go. You killing yourself would be selfish. You’d leave behind many people you don’t even know about who would feel guilty for the rest of their lives. I’m sure there must be something you enjoy. Ice cream? They sell this new one at wal mart Ben and jerrys called “the tonight dough”. If you like cookie dough you have to try it, it’s so good!
I can think of a few people who might think I hang out with them out of pity. They are severely depressed. Well I don’t. There are things beyond their depression that make me interested in them.
Besides when you are depressed you’re more likely to read too much into the actions of others. Trust me I know.
So what if everyone has a better friend than you? Friends are meant to vary. If all were “the best” than none of them could be.
You’re right. You didn’t choose to be born. Someone else decided that out of millions of other potential combinations of sperm and egg you were chosen. Your sperm and eggy combination was chosen. Your sperm was the fastest. Your egg was the healthiest.
I think that in itself makes you special:)
I relate to this so much.