Let me off!

I can’t handle or control my emotions. My emotions fluctuate and change on a dime. Sometimes it’s stays that way for several hours or days, and other times it’s minute by minute.

I’ve been feeling really suicidal lately, and I’ve almost broke down several times at work. And as a guy, the thought of showing my emotions (crying etc) in front of other men is never a good thing. So I constantly have to regain my composure. I go from wanting to just cry, to being angry, to being filled with rage. And when I’m filled with rage, it’s explosive anger. I cussed out a man at the ATM machine the other day for taking to long. I said ”hey mother f*cker what are we doing, ordering pizza, let’s go!” and he flipped me off and I called him names I’d never rationally ever say to someone. And I’ll go from rage to a deep depression. And I’ll go from that to an extreme feeling of high, and everywhere in between. It’s constantly up and down like a roller coaster. I don’t know what it is, as I’ve never been diagnosed. I do admit I need help. My explosive rage is my biggest concern. I’d never thinking about hurting a soul, but when I get in that mood, you don’t want to cross me. I’ve even outran and eluded a Georgia State Patrolmen a while back. My emotions rush over me and I change into a different person. I do things I’d never think about doing. Have I mentioned I need help? Whats wrong with me? Currently I’m really depressed and suicidal. I never know when it will change, until it rushes over me.