Everyday is the same. I can’t sleep, I sit in bed trying to remember why I even do this anymore. When I get up I’m in pain and I shut myself in this little prison I’ve made of my room. I’m truly alone, I don’t exist to anyone.
When no one is home sometimes I’ll stare out my front windows and wonder what it’s like being those people that walk around with friends without having to worry about panic attacks or breakdowns. I’ve tried an extensive amount of medications and none of them help, they usually give me bad side effects too.
I can’t afford a therapist anymore, but I’ve had 5-6 in the past and they kept having to be “replaced” by services but they probably just gave up on me. My depression won’t go away until my anxiety does, and every expert has told me that my anxiety won’t get better. At this point I’m not even living a life, I’m not sure what this is honestly. What’s the point anymore, why do I keep going…
I feel like the end is creeping up to me closer and closer by the minute.
5 comments
Hey Dungeon, I’m letting you know I read this. I totally get looking out on the street and wondering how wonderful that must be.
You know what? They are as fucked up as you and I are. Yup. They just have better filters in their lives. Fuck them. Stay here and talk with us. It gets better, just keep walking forward and talking.
thank you 🙂
I like listening to Hazy
Hope things get better for you. I’m gonna probe like a doctor. So if you don’t mind me asking: Do you know what the root cause/causes of your anxiety and panic attacks are? For now, all I can say is: Live in the moment and take smart risks. Yes, they say that all of life is a risk, but it’s all about being smart about it. Let me know more if you so choose so I might be able to help with whatever I can.
I have no real trauma so they think its hereditary, I’ve been trying to go out as much as I can but It’s really stressful.