Just when I thought it was supposed to get better

I’ve spent a year and a half helping my gf through her depression/anxiety/cutting/suicide thoughts, and I am supposed to start my master’s classes in March but somehow, my parents went from paying $50-60k a year to f-ing $150k!!! Like I get adding another person to the food bill makes it go up but adding my gf to food bill with my brother living off of his school loans, should not cost that fucking much. Like i’m glad i didn’t go to Hawaii or New York. I stayed and worked, but the company was nothing but sales and didn’t know consulting from their own assholes . And I went a month without using my card. So after all this time where I am causing no electricity, water,housing, etc. (I haven’t seen my dr in 5+ years) and yet my parents have 5 cars, three boathouses, the pontoon boat, jet ski, time share, dish and cable, pay AT&T too much for shit, and god knows what else they chew me out about having to change things.

Well sorry for fucking getting my gf to a point where she is halfway sane and can finish her degree. I’m a fucking business student from a private university that can’t get a call back unless it is a shit company that only does sales of office supplies (based off commission), or a foreign shipping company that won’t give me the job because I tell them I can’t start on Monday but I can tuesday because gf’s dad who tried to kill the two of us tried to pull legal shit. If I have a court appointment, what am I supposed to do? Go to court! When I show up Tuesday the temp agency hasn’t even bothered to call the company to ask if I can start.

Meanwhile brother is an M.D. with no residency so he is an E.R. scribe but he works 40 hrs a week and gets paid. I can’t get companies to give me the time of day. And my mother has the balls to ask if I understand that I have worth as my own individual being and I am not being over shadowed by my brother. Yeah the working, living on his own Doctor brother is not overshadowing the living at his gf’s apartment younger brother who can’t get a job worth anything so he provides and takes care of his gf until his classes start again who just got told I have to spend less or my dad has to come out of retirement?!!

I didn’t choose to retire early. He’s enjoyed 11 years of retirement and he works just as much now as he did before he retired. So why should I feel bad about a man who was an engineer and yet couldn’t be bothered to try moving companies so he wasn’t working for assholes? Every time I tried asking or offering to work from middle school through college I was told to just focus on school. Now that I want to focus on school I have to focus on a job. I love my gf but as if her problems weren’t enough I might as well just kill myself and let my parents adopt her in my place. At least they’d have a pharmacist and a daughter they never got to have. So why should I feel important when I spend every year before now paranoid to use any money to the point I saved more than my parents did, but the fact I want to live normally I am vilified and criticized for acting normal when they started spending left and right as if they were kings and queens?!

How can I feel loved like that? Worst x-mad ever.