When you hate what your life turned out to be…

I feel so sad and broken right now , it’s like my life is based on disappointment after disappointment. The year of 2015 was so tough, i’ve been feeling so unhappy. I’m graduated in a not so glamorous course in college, so it was not a surprise when i didn’t find a good job, having to accept any office sh** that appeared to me with a small paycheck, and by the way i hate every second of it.
Suicidal thoughts come often to my mind, but i never had the courage to do it, anyway sometimes i feel like i can’t handle that bad feeling inside of me anymore, it seems like everytime something good happens, something a hundred times worse comes right after it .
It’s really hard for me to control my anxiety and expectations,so when something important to me doesn’t go right i almost lose my mind. Last weekend i met this girl, she was amazing, and as i feel lonely and depressed, she really made me feel good, but i suddenly find out that she doesn’t live here, i live in a third world country, she’s from here but lives in Europe, and will be leaving the country tomorrow, i tried to meet up with her again, but she will be busy, and i won’t even be able to say goodbye. It never works for me when i meet someone i really care about, and when you are in the middle of a existential crises, the bad feeling you get is multiplied for a hundred, i don’t know how to deal with it, with anything, i feel so bad for having to let her go, and despite it was something really meaningful to me what happened between us,maybe she doesn’t even care about me, and forget everything in a few days, that’s what i am to people, meaningless, i don’t know what to do with my live, i don’t have a reason to keep going, well guys thanks for letting me share…