Wish this pain on no one!

This my first time on this site. I was able to have the opportunity to read many of other’s post in despair as well as others post of acknowledgement and support. I don’t wish anyone the sadness, loneliness, hopeless, and most of all worthlessness that comes with Depression or with any other mental illness for that matter. It is sad, but comforting to know there are others out there who feel the same way I do, and from all different background and stories. I have struggled with Depression since I was a  teenager and now I am in my late 20’s and it feels like Depression has become me; Eating what was left of me. Its getting to the point where my counselor says the same thing over and over, “Drink lots of water, get excercise, let go of what your family says, get better sleep,etc.” Most of these things are easy for others, however for me it’s a fighting battle. And I’m tired of daily life. I’m tired feeling so deeply for others and caring about the world’s pain. I’m tired of hating myself and the never ending conscious and unconscious negative self talk. I have tried counselors, drugs, and even those suicide text hotlines (which only made me want to kill myself more!). I’m tired of working so hard not to get anywhere in life or with relationships. I’m a failure to my parents, my partner, and to society. Every night I just wish something, anything, would come take me way from this despair, self hatered, and loneliness. I have become a person I don’t know anymore.