Here’s the thing

Alright guys and gals, here’s my two cents. I’ve been thinking about offing myself for, say, two years give or take. I wasn’t really sure how I’d do it or anything, but it seemed the most logical outcome of my life and here’s why:
I’m one of those people who, for some reason or another, have been blessed (or cursed) with a high degree of sensitivity. Now, I’m not saying that I get upset over little things. Far from that, I let most shit slide. When I say sensitive I mean there’s always this intense emotion  and love towards other people -that’s why I find Cobain’s suicide note to be one of the most relatable things I’ve read. And never in a jealous or vindictive way, but in a way that can’t be reciprocated.
Now I get as much joy from watching birds play around as the next person, a nice sunny day, playing music, etc. Everything is very beautiful in those moments and I feel great in more ways than one. But unfortunately, we are social animals and for some reason need contact with others -otherwise we feel lonely, misplaced, and other strange emotions. So eventually, I find myself surrounded by people that have no compassion, drive, or (what I consider) genuine love towards anything. It all seems very silly and selfish to treat something as fragile and precious as life so flippantly. And this bothers me.
I don’t see the point of continuing to live in a world that’s overflowing with bullshit when I can just skip to the end. Yes, there are times when I forget all of that and enjoy myself, but it’s never really a state of what I would call happiness -a distraction at best. Something to keep my mind off the inevitible thing that comes at the end of the day, that yes it was fun, no it’s not coming back, and you’ll just have to wait like a dog on the porch for the next time when things get good again. Either that or obtain that cool-guy sense of nonchalance about everything where the in-between times aren’t so bothersome because you go on auto-pilot, which is a skill that I lack.
I heard once that life is the game, and if we want to stay in it we need to learn how to play. Well fuck that, the game is rigged and I want my money back.
Peaceful dreams folks!