Did you say masochism? I’m a pain freak as well. I think you and I are the only ones who’ve ever considered disemboweling as a m3thod….. Great! One thing we have in common whiskered.
“Why am I picturing someone trying to stuff the tangled-up film back into a really bloody VHS tape?”
I literally thought of this and now I’m chuckling.
Wow, Ylem, I never knew that you’d considered that as well. A lady of my own heart! I feel so much less alone.
Personally, I’ve never been able to understand why everyone wants to go painlessly. My MOC is disemboweling because (among other reasons) it’s the most miserable, excruciating end I can think of.
I don’t think it’s “weak” to choose a painless route or anything. It’s just not what I want for myself.
I couldn’t do it, myself… I just dread pain too much.
One of the few reasons I still exist is that I never found a m@thod that was both 100% pain-free and 100% effective.
Well if it is painless you want what about an exit bag (sorry to be suggestive again not that you couldnt look this up yourself) theres a few diff kinds
If God is everything, than God is also “you”. the skin you bear, the blood you bleed, these are all pieces of existence that god has made for you, given to you. And as you cut away at your skin, you’re also cutting him. Hurting him in the strongest emotional way.
But this is not to make you feel guilty, God bears the weight of all the pain in the world. And if you looked, really looked, i hope that you’d see that all of the love that he has, is far stronger than any pain that could possibly exist.
I’ve tried it before when I was 17. Your age. I have a scar on the left side of my abdomen. Didn’t put in enough force. My brother busted into the room and stopped me. My mother gave me one hell of a beating, which I enjoyed btw. I’m weirdest of all weird.
When I’m extremely suicidal, I always think of plunging a knife in my gut or my throat. I feel an excrutiating painful death is what I deserve for being such an abomination.
The trouble with the word “masochism” is that it’s always associated with sexual fetishes. Which is so disappointing to me. Those people aren’t true masochists. They don’t really want to suffer. Not like you and I do. Pansies. If you were to go up to one of those people and hit them over the head with a tire iron, they’d sue you as soon as they regained consciousness. Without so much as a “thank you.” Lol. That’s not masochism.
I don’t know whether to say that I’m sorry for your interrupted attempt, or that I’m glad for it. I’m selfish, and glad that you’re here with me. But I know that hunger, too, and I’m sorry that you only got a taste.
As for that last paragraph: I know that, too. And I’m sorry that you think that way about yourself.
I’m definitely not a masochist, but I did think of it in a sexual context..
I’m awkward when it comes to that stuff….
Sorry.
God I’m all over the place tonight.
Yeah, I have the same problem with it. That’s why I never defined my wanting to feel pain as masochism until Mr Angry pointed it out today. It’s not for sexual gratification. I just feel I need to be punished. I need to suffer for all my sins. For every horrible thought that ever runs through my head. A person who thinks about harming or killing another person and smile about it deserves to suffer just as much. I’m that person.
Man, Ylem, I could’ve written what you said. Most of it anyway.
I feel like since I’m sick and twisted, it’s only justice that my death match my character and be just as sick and twisted. Punish, punish punish. All I can think about.
Sometimes I look at myself from the outside, as if I were someone else. And I plot to hurt Kat. Punish her. I’ve been doing this for years. Now, I catch myself thinking in third person disturbingly often.
But as for your situation, Ylem, you have to give yourself some compassion for your violent fantasies. What those people did to you…I think most people, even sane ones, would be driven to similarly darker places after that.
@ whiskered…. Yeah, but you see, these thoughts were there even before this happened. Why do you think I plunged a knife in my gut when I was 17? I was trying to protect some innocent people from myself. My brother kept me under control, and they took him away. Oh, the things I think about, what I could do to them….. God I deserve a painful death for my fucked up mental state.
To some people, that’s all it is. And I can understand why. Our sacred holidays have long since gone commercial. Christmas especially. I can’t blame the secularists for that, because that’s all on us. Or on our predecessors, rather.
I’m probably SP’s most religious regular, and if you didn’t offend me, then I doubt that you offended anybody else.
Anyway, don’t worry. I’m not planning on leaving. At least not for a while.
Hi Whiskered,
I’m going to comment then I’m going to bed.
God understands. He takes care of children and mentally ill people, which you are both. He recognizes your weaknesses and if you listen closely He is calling your name. You forget that our Episcopalian God is a really nice guy that accepts everyone, which is why I for one stick with Him. He understands that I am a trainwreck and you need to cause yourself pain to feel alive. He created you and I this way, how could He not love us?
Happy Easter (it is Easter where you are today). Be gentle with yourself. God unconditionally loves you, even if you can’t find it in your heart to unconditionally love yourself.
I’m sorry for not contributing to this thread with my post (since it’s religion-based, plus we’re all kinda being sorry from the looks of it, hah), but i just wanted to say you’re cool, and that i hope you get whatever you’re looking for tomorrow.
I always thought I was afraid of heights, until I stood on the ledge of a 9 story building a few weeks ago. My heart wasn’t even pounding. I was thinking, I could just jump, and it’ll all be over. Then thoughts of my family came crashing and my friend pulled me back. Fuck him and my family for ruining my perfect moment!!
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53 comments
Sorry to post again (third time today). And sorry for everything I do!
your killing me!!!! 🙂
ya..me too…one of the smartest people here regardless of age
Kat doesn’t know how to respond to compliments. You’re making my face red, Nutter Butter.
awwww now I blushed… but call me nutter butter peanut butter sandwich cookie
Nutter Butter Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookie…now that’s a mouthful.
*ba-dum-tiss!*
hehe.. I like her style… everybody..hehe
-bows- I’ll be here all week!*
*(unless I randomly have another suicidal melt down like I did last week)
I rarely get to see this side of you… happy resurrection day sis!!!
Happy Resurrection Day. 🙂
Well, the intention wasn’t to tell a joke, but if you laughed, then I guess that’s a good thing.
Did you say masochism? I’m a pain freak as well. I think you and I are the only ones who’ve ever considered disemboweling as a m3thod….. Great! One thing we have in common whiskered.
jeez… that would be awful… if u disembowel..I would have to rebowel you .. and that is just gross
Re-boweling is always such a hassle because I never want to read the directions.
Why am I picturing someone trying to stuff the tangled-up film back into a really bloody VHS tape?
Oh Nutty… You are always looking out for me.
Whiskered… The thought of a bloody VHS tape… It’s never leaving my head…
you don’t want me to have to stuff ur tangelings do ya?
“Why am I picturing someone trying to stuff the tangled-up film back into a really bloody VHS tape?”
I literally thought of this and now I’m chuckling.
“Stuff ur tanglings.” Now THAT’S a scary euphemism right there.
Trey: Glad to have made you laugh!
You’re welcome, Ylem. 😉
Stuff my tanglings… Hahaha, Nutty you are such a nut. Please stuff em for me.
I have ur favorite pants on today ylem..wink wink
Really? That’s awesome. Am I getting the nutty pizza as well? You know those pants are cheesy pine nut pizza day pants.
yes they are but they are also my church pants because right by my bum are “holy”
lol ooops they are “holy”
Wow, Ylem, I never knew that you’d considered that as well. A lady of my own heart! I feel so much less alone.
Personally, I’ve never been able to understand why everyone wants to go painlessly. My MOC is disemboweling because (among other reasons) it’s the most miserable, excruciating end I can think of.
I don’t think it’s “weak” to choose a painless route or anything. It’s just not what I want for myself.
It was the way a samurai would sometimes choose to die.
They felt it was “honorable”.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seppuku
I can understand why they did. Takes a lot of balls I imagine. And an insane amount of loyalty to your shogun.
A frightening amount of loyalty, yes.
I couldn’t do it, myself… I just dread pain too much.
One of the few reasons I still exist is that I never found a m@thod that was both 100% pain-free and 100% effective.
Cordless what about fall from great height? (Not trying to be suggestive) surely thats certain death and real quick
People have survived falls from surprisingly high up.
news.discovery.com/human/life/surviving-falls-how-is-it-possible-130807.htm
oddee.com/item_96967.aspx
oddee.com/item_98813.aspx
Well i would try from as tall a place as i can find with concrete below and try head first, surely thats guaranteed death right?
Too bad I’m scared of heights. (!)
I’d rather my last words not be “OHHH SHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII–“
I’m scared of heights too. Hilariously enough, jumping would be the only m3thod that I’d never, ever try.
Well if it is painless you want what about an exit bag (sorry to be suggestive again not that you couldnt look this up yourself) theres a few diff kinds
Haha, Please don’t get my post deleted. I want to keep this one.
Yes thats enough.
This is lovely.
If God is everything, than God is also “you”. the skin you bear, the blood you bleed, these are all pieces of existence that god has made for you, given to you. And as you cut away at your skin, you’re also cutting him. Hurting him in the strongest emotional way.
But this is not to make you feel guilty, God bears the weight of all the pain in the world. And if you looked, really looked, i hope that you’d see that all of the love that he has, is far stronger than any pain that could possibly exist.
I’ve tried it before when I was 17. Your age. I have a scar on the left side of my abdomen. Didn’t put in enough force. My brother busted into the room and stopped me. My mother gave me one hell of a beating, which I enjoyed btw. I’m weirdest of all weird.
When I’m extremely suicidal, I always think of plunging a knife in my gut or my throat. I feel an excrutiating painful death is what I deserve for being such an abomination.
I want to go putting my knife in my kneck so I can watch all my blood empty out and feel the slow burn life drifting away
The trouble with the word “masochism” is that it’s always associated with sexual fetishes. Which is so disappointing to me. Those people aren’t true masochists. They don’t really want to suffer. Not like you and I do. Pansies. If you were to go up to one of those people and hit them over the head with a tire iron, they’d sue you as soon as they regained consciousness. Without so much as a “thank you.” Lol. That’s not masochism.
I don’t know whether to say that I’m sorry for your interrupted attempt, or that I’m glad for it. I’m selfish, and glad that you’re here with me. But I know that hunger, too, and I’m sorry that you only got a taste.
As for that last paragraph: I know that, too. And I’m sorry that you think that way about yourself.
I’m definitely not a masochist, but I did think of it in a sexual context..
I’m awkward when it comes to that stuff….
Sorry.
God I’m all over the place tonight.
It’s alright. Most people do.
Yeah, I have the same problem with it. That’s why I never defined my wanting to feel pain as masochism until Mr Angry pointed it out today. It’s not for sexual gratification. I just feel I need to be punished. I need to suffer for all my sins. For every horrible thought that ever runs through my head. A person who thinks about harming or killing another person and smile about it deserves to suffer just as much. I’m that person.
Man, Ylem, I could’ve written what you said. Most of it anyway.
I feel like since I’m sick and twisted, it’s only justice that my death match my character and be just as sick and twisted. Punish, punish punish. All I can think about.
Sometimes I look at myself from the outside, as if I were someone else. And I plot to hurt Kat. Punish her. I’ve been doing this for years. Now, I catch myself thinking in third person disturbingly often.
But as for your situation, Ylem, you have to give yourself some compassion for your violent fantasies. What those people did to you…I think most people, even sane ones, would be driven to similarly darker places after that.
@ whiskered…. Yeah, but you see, these thoughts were there even before this happened. Why do you think I plunged a knife in my gut when I was 17? I was trying to protect some innocent people from myself. My brother kept me under control, and they took him away. Oh, the things I think about, what I could do to them….. God I deserve a painful death for my fucked up mental state.
Easter is just another money milking day to me
….
but please stay Kat!!!
hopefully i didn’t offend anyone
To some people, that’s all it is. And I can understand why. Our sacred holidays have long since gone commercial. Christmas especially. I can’t blame the secularists for that, because that’s all on us. Or on our predecessors, rather.
I’m probably SP’s most religious regular, and if you didn’t offend me, then I doubt that you offended anybody else.
Anyway, don’t worry. I’m not planning on leaving. At least not for a while.
Hi Whiskered,
I’m going to comment then I’m going to bed.
God understands. He takes care of children and mentally ill people, which you are both. He recognizes your weaknesses and if you listen closely He is calling your name. You forget that our Episcopalian God is a really nice guy that accepts everyone, which is why I for one stick with Him. He understands that I am a trainwreck and you need to cause yourself pain to feel alive. He created you and I this way, how could He not love us?
Happy Easter (it is Easter where you are today). Be gentle with yourself. God unconditionally loves you, even if you can’t find it in your heart to unconditionally love yourself.
I’m sorry for not contributing to this thread with my post (since it’s religion-based, plus we’re all kinda being sorry from the looks of it, hah), but i just wanted to say you’re cool, and that i hope you get whatever you’re looking for tomorrow.
I always thought I was afraid of heights, until I stood on the ledge of a 9 story building a few weeks ago. My heart wasn’t even pounding. I was thinking, I could just jump, and it’ll all be over. Then thoughts of my family came crashing and my friend pulled me back. Fuck him and my family for ruining my perfect moment!!
I want to hold hand
Please do my nut. It’s been a while since someone offered to hold my hand.
and walk..