Haven’t been happy for the longest time..

It was roughly about this time last year that that darkness swooped in and took over.
It’s happened before, but in time would usually pass, this time, it’s remained.
Every day is a struggle, I’ve tried so many things to shake it..
Girls, drinking, exercise, working, everything just a temporary distraction, just clicking off the seconds, trying to make it through another day.
Finding this site has helped, a place to vent, to read other peoples experiences and feel a certain kinship, to know am not alone, dealing with a life that once promised so much potential, now, just a daily chore to remain,hoping for better days.
Am on medications now, have appointments with a counselor. Still have 2 women in my life that want to be with me, but don’t match up to the one I really felt life had a reason worth living for.
It all seems so pathetic,like,dude, why can’t you just snap out of it?
Who cares if you’re losing your hair, don’t really have family, have lost opportunities to be stable and happy, life goes on, right, and all that mess about what you survive makes you stronger.
The pep-talks just don’t really seem to work anymore.
I distance myself from my friends not wanting them to see this side of me, but it’s been the dominant side for a year now.
I don’t know, it’s strange how life can so easily slip into such a mess. I both cherish and am haunted by the memories of when life was more carefree.
Just numb these days I suppose, hanging on, not sure exactly what for, but hanging on.

Thank you to everyone posting their stories and offering support for one another, it does help, it does offer some comfort and hope. I just hope peace can find us all, in same capacity, at some time.