You Know How It Feels

You lay awake in bed at night wondering where every little thing went wrong.

You create amazing friendships hoping they will spark into something intimate. You spend days, weeks, months and occasionally years talking to someone only to one day realise the effort disappears and you find that you are now the instigator. They never message you first, or call or whatever. It’s up to you.

Then one day you decide “okay, I’m not going to start the conversation this time. I will wait for them to instigate it.” Next thing you know you it’s been a few days and then weeks and months and you realise its lost. Then you start to think that YOU fucked up because YOU decided to stop instigating the conversations. You lay awake in bed at night wondering where every little thing went wrong. And you contemplate sending a text or a snapchat or commenting on a post somewhere, hoping you will pick up where you left off. And one day you do just that, you send them a text “Hey, how’s it going?” Etc. and after a few minutes you tell them you miss them.

You see for them, you’ve been gone for ages, they’ve moved on. But you, although the it’s been a month and a bit, you feel like you said goodnight yesterday.

And so it’s hard.

It’s hard facing that you are nothing to them now. No matter how much you try and fix it, it’s gone. All the work and all the effort creating something amazing, gone like that. Like trying to seize and opportunity, you try and do it in the moment but once it’s passed its gone.

And so you’re left with good memories but you’ll never get it back to how it was

its just a “Hey” that keeps you around