Ok, so I realized that I’ve been doing something weird. I’ll find myself laughing or smiling about something, and then I’ll focus on it and feel bad about laughing or smiling… then I immediately think of stuff that makes me depressed and I shift right back into my depression. It’s like… I refuse to allow myself to feel any kind of happiness.
I don’t know what this is… It’s like I’m punishing myself. I don’t understand what I’m doing to myself.
Does anyone else do this?
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not exactly, no. I feel like maybe you can stop this by thinking, “this is the first smile i’ve had in days. And im going to enjoy it, at least for a short bit.” You just have to fight back.
I feel like it’s so hard to fight back against myself. =( But you’re right, I need to at least try…
I have similar experiences except I kind of do the opposite I keep laughing and force myself to smile until it’s either stuck or I am out if breath from laughing no matter what you laugh at that you laughed that means it brought you joy when we are depressed any bit of joy is like a breath of fresh air from a cloud of chlorine, but some people fear being happy or feeling joy because they think there is something bad that is bound to follow perhaps that may be it?
I think I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy… or I’m scared what happiness might mean. Blah.
All the time but some times I just enjoy the good times ….like i made apple pie at 12 am idky the whole looked my im nuts whatever.
Apple pie sounds good. Especially 12am apple pie. That’s like the best…
Yea it was funny about 30 min after i left you comment I feel deep in to a black pit ….hehe cleaning up apple pie while sad and no one ate it …made realized I hit a new. Low hahah.-_-