I’m heading on towards the future and I’m being told to start thinking about my future. The scary part is, though, I don’t see myself having one. I try to think about it, me going to college, having a job, meeting someone special. But I just can’t see it. I’m so scared because everyone around me is figuring things out, and I don’t know if I even want to live ’til the end of high school. My chest tightens up, my head starts hurting, everything gets a bit fuzzy, and my head becomes an empty void. Is this just me?
I don’t even know how to tell you guys what I feel. I feel a sense of dread, relief, jealousy, but most importantly, I fear the future. I can’t picture me in high school/college classes. I can’t see myself getting a job.
When I do think about it, like I said my entire self feels empty. I feel like a shell just going through life. I don’t even know anymore.
3 comments
Maybe this will help you out, and I hope it does, what I can tell you is this, nobody here knows you and I don’t think anybody is here to judge so say, write, post whatever it is in your heart, it helps me as you can see by my last post, just venting, but I was locked up once and an old man told me. ” Don’t ever look for yesterday because it’s in the past and you’re never gonna see it again, and don’t look for tomorrow, it’s in your future and you’re never gonna see it either, because when tomorrow comes, it will be today, So live for today. “
I’m sorry to say this, but that’s exactly what happened to me. I didn’t see myself in college, getting a job, getting married, buying a house, a car or have kids.
Maybe there’s people out there that eventually found their way in the meantime, but I didn’t.
I absolutely hate college, for me it’s the worst torture. I’m not like my classmates. I’m not interested in classes, or projects, or college activities. My body is just so tired and broken, I can’t take it anymore. I just want to live a peaceful life these last years of my life.
I would want to say you comforting things like: “once you start college you’ll see it’s not that bad”, but I cannot. I’m so sorry. It’s a matter of luck.
Hi.
the future as it exists now is more of a mirage than anything else. and a lot of those plans the people around you are making? they’re going to change one way or another. how much hs do you have left? if you have a year or more, when it comes to picking electives, i’d recommend choosing anything that remotely interests you.
if you ever find yourself wanting to go to college, i’d say wait until you have an idea of what you would like to do before applying. because debt isn’t fun and it can accumulate fast. this is just for in case you do live for some reason or other.
speaking from experience, i mostly took electives in hs that i found interesting. i didn’t take the sat or act (or whatever standardized tests colleges look at), and i still wound up in college. failed my first semester, now i have debt, it’s what happens, and i still just have a general idea of what next. but even if you don’t do well in school, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a life later.
i’d say don’t worry too much about the future at this point. maybe that’s not the best advice, but i’d suggest you think about it and any thing that makes you a bit excited and try to go from there, but without worrying about a lot of expectations, even if people put pressure on you. it’s your path to take, and you have time to figure out alternatives, even if you don’t want them.
i sometimes get that feeling you mentioned. not the best, but time marches on regardless of our wishes.