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my crazy life…

by hellfire187

hey,

just want to share a little bit of my story.  Sorry for my bad english.

My father is an alcoholic psycho, as long as I can think. He was allways fliping out. I started smoking weed, when I was 12. I was smoking and drinking every day, since Im 16. At this age, I became sick, crohns desease. Every day pain, like hell… Im on opiate painkillers since Im 20. This every day pain breaks my brain. Got depressed after some years of horrible pain. With 25 I started to take speed, meth, cokain everyday use, in weekends mdma, sometimes lsd, alltogether with weed and painkillers. Every weekend on rave, dancing from friday night to sunday afternoon. On drugs I stabbed someone with a knife. I was on  probaiton, lost my job, got hardest depression of my life. Close to kill myself… I failed on probation and got to jail for 1 year. Now Im out of jail, my ex gf stole all of my stuff and demolished my apartment, caused about 30k$ damage… Now Im out, got nothing left, no (drug-) friends, 15k$ debt + eventually what my ex gf caused, depressed like hell. The only positive is that Im clean now. But I dont want to live this f***** life anymore.

The whole story is a lot worse…

I just dont want to live like this anymore… It wont get better. Just more pain… I should end this, as long as I can…

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Cause of Death: Suicide 10/4/2017 - 8:17 pm

My story is a lot like yours, I always think I should have killed myself while I could have. I still can because I’m not in jail, I am on probation though. Although I never was addicted to speed and I’m younger. But when you say, while I can, you will really probably be locked up again soon because you are now a frequent and the police see you as a rag doll they can put away whenever. You are now free to the methods as they have in nature, any weapons you have probably won’t work because someone will report you and you will be back in jail so whoever reported you can continue living their retarded lifestyle. But you are free to methods of nature, you can jump off a cliff away from town. At least you are free for the time being. But don’t doubt you will be free for long. They will always find an excuse to lock you up. Even if you have stayed clean and did nothing but move and breathe.

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