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2018 is beautiful agony

by SuzieSalmon
  •  I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m selfish, pathetic, worthless, and I’m scum because I won’t be able to survive on my own at 18. Leeching off the government to keep my thyroidism maintained (not for long since I wont be a minor in July) and using food stamps to not starve. I have so many dreams and goals but I’m f*cking useless and havent been in school since I was 13 I barely know how to do division (IM RETARDED) and I see everything I am as a burden or a lost cause. Everything I look at I see it as an accessory to kill myself with. Its to the point that if life gets worse this year I’ll be hanging myself somewhere.. Just haven’t figured out where yet.


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freeroma 2/2/2018 - 4:46 am

I think you’re a little hard on yourself.. you didn’t choose to have a medical condition and you didn’t choose to be here.
Self survival is usually a taught skill, and honestly that’s something we depend on others for. If you never get shown how, or at least shown how to figure it out, it’s not exactly easy to know off the bat.

That’s a long time out of school.. but it doesn’t make a future impossible.

SuzieSalmon 3/25/2018 - 11:48 pm

I feel everything I work toward is meaningless, everyone sees me as uneducated so they doubt me. And the most I could reach for is an GED but finding a job and trying to maintain buying my medicine, everything weighs down on me and I personally just don’t see myself being able to do it.. With ny personal life and literally everything revolving around me I just dont wanna do it anymore, it’s everyday that I think about suicide or what it’s be like if I were gone.

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