I think after a while you start to recognize patterns in yourself. Ticks that you see in your own behaviour. So when bad things happen you are more aware of how you handle them. Thinking back to a year ago where I was doing everything in my power to avoid the lab and my teammates and how I was so sure that I would flunk out after my first semester. That same sort of detachment and flight instinct I seem to have at the end of every semester. But I feel like I’m rounding a curve where things are going to change and I’m not sure how I’ll handle them. We had a meeting today and you could tell my advisor was starting to lose his patience a little. Which is natural. I’ve been dicking around all semester. So when he asks for an exact date I would be done with things, I hesitate. Everyone can tell. I always say that I don’t know how things are going to end. But in the back of my head I think “It will end how it always ends. You will squeak by.” And then another part wonders if this will be the day my luck runs out. Either way I feel like something is supposed to happen and I don’t know if I can possibly anticipate what the results will be. Regardless of what happens, I hope that I can say that I was good for at least one thing. Don’t know what that thing is, but if I could be good for it, then maybe things weren’t all that horrible.