If you want to be magic, you’ve got to be tragic….. Shit I’m set.
Anyway, shoes dropped today. 
Yes, I dropped my money, quite a lot of it on something to go on my feet. I had to finance, and unconsciously that meant committing to another 3 months at this, because I have to wait to pay off the boots. Now that I think about it though, I’m shackled by my boot orders until they are complete, I’m not going to try and change shipping.
At the same time I’m fighting with my car. Did I talk about the car? It broke down Wednesday, turns out the battery went out. So I dropped most of my money on a new one, only to learn now I need an alternator, which my parents will help me with……. adventures. In the meantime I’m driving my beast of a truck, in the heat, it’s an apt metaphor, I feel like an overheated beast of burden.
However, weird things happen when you detach spiritually. Somehow whatever is left takes on a quasi spiritual aspect. So this and other machines failing is very much an assault on my ability to function, one which my immune system is fighting with all it has got.
It also feels…… right, things failing around me. When you set yourself on fire (not literally), you expect things to go a bit nuts. It’s delightful for me, people don’t realize the work I put into stability until I stop. Oh no, you mean things stop holding together when I’m not thinking three steps ahead? Who’d have known?
and I’m mutating, into what I don’t know. Not something I have to be for a long time, just a necessary next stage in my progress towards freedom.
I’m not afraid anymore though, because I gave all. If there’s failing, it’s going to have to be accounted for somewhere else. I’ll keep performing my tip top right til I drop. No regrets.
However I’m not going to keep breaking myself over other people’s bad choices. I do what I can, that’s got to be enough for me.
Anyway, morbid punk music AND there’s an accordion you say? What could be better?
6 comments
I don’t really have anything meaningful to add to this, but this was a terrific and well composed post. I hope you like the boots.
Wait, you had to finance a pair of boots- how much were those boots??
Those look like my military boots- mine were free- just had to sign my life away O_o
$650 is the sticker price, ended up being around $690 with shipping and tax. I thought shipping would be free at that price, weird. It’s mid range for what it is; a limited edition boot from a company that doesn’t make cheap boots to begin with.
The reason it costs so much is that. Normal boots, they build up a really big assembly process. They don’t build to order. If you get a pair of boots from the store or the military they weren’t made for you, they were sitting in a box in a warehouse. There are tens of thousands more where that came from.
Economy of scale can get the price of this same boot if you mass produced it down to $300-$400, but the first step is questionable there. The thing about custom boots is you can use fancy leather that there isn’t much of. You wanted to make ten thousand of these? I don’t know if the tannery has that much of this leather on hand.
But there will only ever be 500 pair. I found this out last year after last year’s model (which was cool in a different way) was already sold out. I realized that I actually cared about missing out, these are custom in a way I care about.
I have to look no further than my first custom pair, which got here a few weeks ago. It’s a fancy hightop sneaker in leather, with a boot type sole. I love them so much, and knowing that’s it….. makes them more special.
The market on average is so bereft of value, but these two companies worked so hard to put the materials and process up front in a way that makes the value judgement worthwhile, to me anyway.
$700 for a pair of boots/sneakers is way too much for me to ever pay for, but hey, if that makes u happy. It better feel like walking on air for that price. i guess now you can relate to women who spend $700 or $1000 on some brand name heels or whatever. although…women can’t really walk in THOSE shoes lol
so u have to work 3mo to pay off this $700? yeesh >.<
I looked up the boots and had a fucking heart attack at the price.
Your metamorphosis sounds somewhat liberating. I can see the attraction, knowing how much work you have to put in to maintain normalcy. I don’t know what you’re turning into, but for what it’s worth, you sounded like a pretty cool person before.