On A Boat With No Paddle

Week was as unproductive as usual. The Tuesday meeting was pretty bad. My advisor tried to reiterate that he wants me to submit a paper by October. Seemed to be annoyed that I still haven’t built my stupid fucking robot by now. I hesitated when he asked if I can get it done. Just didn’t have the heart to lie like I normally do. Could tell he wasn’t happy with my hesitancy. The thing is he isn’t even asking a whole lot. Any person who had half a fucking brain could probably do it. Too bad I got less than that. I feel like I’m on a boat without a paddle. Drifting on nothing. When I was decided not to quit after my first semester, I said that I wanted to see how far I could take this. I knew that I would never actually get my masters. I just wanted to see how long I can go without flunking. Just kinda wished it wasn’t the last semester. Stings more that way. I keep thinking of how I would go about killing myself. I’ve always said that I’d shoot myself while drunk. Only way I can see it going. The frequency of these daydreams is starting to become a problem.