I feel like 95% of us here are gonna stay chronically depressed. Sure, many may not *BE* on SP in the future, but that doesn’t mean they are “cured” of their depression. Hell, some of us who stop posting have “disappeared” from this mortal coil.
Yes, statistically, it makes sense there could be a few I gander will get rid of their depression forever, but until I SEE it happen, I just don’t believe the majority of us will. I’ve spoken to many ppl in their 60s, 70s, and 80s in other depression groups- they’ve all told me they had depression for DECADES. If THEY haven’t gotten over their depression in DECADES, what makes me think that I, and some of us here who have been depressed for DECADES, will suddenly get rid of it?
Statistically, those of us who’ve had depression for decades are unlikely to “magically get better.” And those life circumstances that created our depression in the first place also aren’t likely to “magically get better” either.
I see @heartless tried and failed.
I see @myself have tried and failed.
I see @myself have stopped trying, and thus if not even trying anymore, ofc still failing.
How many have left SP and actually gotten better? There are ppl who have posted they are “better” and left SP but how do we know it isn’t temporary (even if it’s a cycle of a few years)? Or that those who claimed to have “made it out” didn’t just come back to SP under a different Username? Or have left SP but haven’t come back bc SP didn’t alleviate their depression? Or…ofc THAT other alternative?
Our lives are fucking sad and depressing. That’s what I’ve gotten from SP. My life and all of you guys here. I mean, if we had good lives, we wouldn’t be here, right?
9 comments
My extrapolation of this is that statistically most people will experience bouts of depression in their life whether they realize it or not. If I remember correctly your brain finishes fully developing around the age of 25. Which means a lot of the depression that some children experience below that age could be temporary bouts as they figure out this whole messy parade of living. We may see some of those visitors here, but it doesn’t mean they would never work through their depression. If some of us find ourselves here repeatedly, my guess is we would constitute the biggest red flags. But like a lot of things, it feels like a spectrum.
i’m not talking about the lower end of the depression “spectrum,” ppl who are “sad” or have very “light” depression. everyone gets sad sometimes. that’s normal. even going through a breakup, it’s temporary heartache, but that’s still normal, and that’s not “depression.”
i feel like the word “depression” gets thrown around too easily, and everyone says they’re “depressed” when really they’re just really sad for some length of time. Situational sadness is normal. If you’re dealing with a breakup/divorce/death of a grandparent/etc, ofc you’re going to be sad. But most ppl bounce back after 6mo or 12mo. That’s normal. Depression is ongoing. For years and years. Or decades and decades. That is not normal. Most normal ppl also don’t chronically think about killing themselves. I mean THAT kind of depression.
I’m talking about ppl like me, ppl who have been depressed for decades. How many people who were severely depressed/suicidal ACTUALLY make it out? Sadly, there’s no data on this.
There’s a few others on here that are like me- severely or chronically depressed for decades. Odds are we are just f*cked. Obviously the ones who are not “severely depressed” and not suicidal might make it out. But this post isn’t about ppl who are “mild” or “moderately” depressed. Obviously those who are mild are likely to bounce out of it, and those moderately have a decent chance.
I’m talking the suicidal saps on here. Those of us who aren’t in our teens or 20s and have already lived decades being depressed. I guess we are just f*cked, and that in of itself, is f*cking depressing. -_-
Interesting, if there’s no reliable data on it then I would guess that’s because people A. Don’t live long enough to study, or B. Were unreliable to convey correct data. Either way that seems hard to test with reliable data over decades of time.
I left, deluded myself into believing that my new situation was actually better, and now came back. My posts pretty much tell my story, but yea, I don’t think I’ll ever truly become free of this.
I used to ask my parents or anyone else that would say things like “what’s the natter? You look unhappy” something like “I don’t usually smile, can you honestly see me walking around with a big smile on my face like I’m genuinely content with life?”
Most can’t see that because it’s been so long that this has brought me pain. I don’t even know how genuinely happy and content people can operate anymore, depressive states have just fused into my overall demeanor
Could be. But SP helps. It helps to know other people feel the same way I do, and experience what I do.
I’m sorry if I worried you. I’m alive. Cannot speak, though.
SP helps a little bit, but it’s not enough, as you can attest to. I guess it’s the best some of us got, but it’s definitely not enough.
heh, does anyone leave AA? or Celebrate Recovery? People do, but the hardcore ones are there for life. I never thought I was a joiner, and now you make me out to be one of this group, you naughty person.
Well, if there was ever a group I should be associated with, you might make me cry. If I could cry. Que IF I HAD ONE meme
It’s a dark place these days. My mind is anyway, I tend to have the fault of thinking how it is in my mind is how it is outside. It’s a real problem because I have seasonal affective disorder so if it’s raining I’m sad, and if it’s sweltering I get angry or anxious. So in fact I react to weather, not the other way around.
I still think I can get out, but what I’ve defined as out is very generous. It isn’t symptom free. It’s just 90% symptom free, if I can hit 9/10 days no depressive thoughts, that’s enough for me. I’ve done that before.
It’s just a matter of budgetting, planning and manipulating variables. I have to be a bit selfish, a bit heartless and mean, but on the other side I get to help people and also have a life. That’s how I met my wife, in that phase. It was when my life was working, and it took five years for that streak of good fortune to run out.
I think I know why it ran out now. I think I understand more about who I am and what I need. You have to learn from when life knocks you down, else it will knock you down again. It still will knock you down again. It’s okay to get angry and sad about that, but eventually it’s time to get up and figure out what to do next.
SIX MONTHS………… I cannot even get into how small a timeframe that is relative to how long I have been working on this deal. Then I’m free, free to do as I please. Twenty years of careful footwork, a few mistakes corrected, major depression, major anxiety, complex ptsd, depressive psychosis, burnout, and recovery.
I feel prepared for this challenge. Instead of leaving after high school, fresh faced and not knowing myself, I’m leaving having tested and defined myself. Knowing that I am definitely not of this place, which I strongly suspected 20 years ago, but I wasn’t sure of myself enough to bet my livelyhood on it.
So don’t count me out. I may never leave this forum, no promises being made on that front. I might get better though. I might find reason and purpose to stay awake a full 20 hours a day, on purpose. I could wake before the dawn excited to see what the day brings. Don’t laugh, it’s happened, when there was snow. That first crunch of new snow cannot be beat.
sorry, i wasn’t trying to put you in the same category as me. when you finally got the job offer you wanted- i thought you had finally succeeded and gotten out of your predicament. people like you and i NEED a good job with a purpose- a job with meaning. Or at least a life of meaning. I honestly thought you made it out and was happy for you.
i feel like we’re the birds who got trapped in an oilspill. you managed to free yourself and flew out the oilspilled lake/river, but there’s still oiled slicked on your wings. and i’m the bird still stuck in that oilpit, unable to even free my wings to flap and fly out.
Yeah, I’m down to 40% or 30% days having symptoms which is less, considering I’m at the most stress I’ve been at in three years.
I’m kind of leaning into the mask, into the character I’ve created for this job. I made a wardrobe early on, work clothes so I didn’t have to think too hard about getting dressed in the morning. It turns out to have set the tone of how I feel towards this job; blue jeans and a button up shirt are the only constants. Sometimes a sweater, sometimes a vest, sometimes a hoody. Sometimes boots or loafers, depends on the day I want to have. I tie my hair back or let it hang loose. I wear a full beard and mustache, and it’s bushy so I look like a jolly young german man.
and I always say “Come on down” in my best Drew Carrey impression, from the show The Price is Right which I used to watch every morning when I was unemployed one time. That was when I was still married to my ex wife, one of the rare memories of that time.
Then when they come to the door I introduce myself and show them to the room, and it’s all just mechanical. I try to get to know them, and appreciate them, because that’s what does it for me and makes it worth me being there. Lord knows it isn’t the pay. Or the state knows it isn’t the pay, since it was our Senator who sued to make sure my student debt WASN’T canceled, after he had 200 MILLION DOLLARS of loans WRITTEN OFF. OKAY FOR HIM, not for me. I see.
I know where his business is, I could do something about it……. see this is what I was talking about to hotline earlier about a deserving victim. But no, good stuff in the pipeline worth more than seeing him suffer. Narrowly. Oh I had a worse idea, but it’s not even worth writing it’s not even worth talking about.
There’s just no room in my life for hate. That’s why my ex wife got off with what she did, and everyone else that got off without me firing a shot of revenge. I haven’t, in 19 years gotten revenge. I’ve managed to set consequences in motion a few times. Or to see that they have to be set in motion.
It’s just what I want for myself is so much. I don’t think people understand. I’ve worked it down as much as I can. But when you’re born with as much as I was, you expect to land a bit higher up.
and I’ve been working at it, I’ve been trying for it 13 years. Plan A was have a family, move slowly up the ranks of society etc etc. whatever however that works. That died when the marriage died. Plan B was get out of town, preferably to over 100 acres somewhere at least 20 minutes outside of city limits. I wanted a little cabin, solar panel, books, a pump, maybe some chickens.
Then life happened, I met my wife and a career popped up, and I started gaining equity. That equity was always more than I had in the bank. So it was 2017 by the time life had fallen apart again. I knew I needed to finish my degree, so I did. Then I didn’t get into grad, covid, the whole second major imploded and I had to graduate a semester early.
Which led to me working child welfare. I lasted 9 months, which it turns out proved my worth. It’s a lot like many years ago I was hired on at a department store and they put me in the shoe department. I didn’t last a week. But the couple days I lasted showed I had persistance. Most people gave up immediately apparently. So they moved me to linens where they only needed one guy, and I was it.
That’s why when I came around this time they said; yeah, give him to Food Stamps. Those are jobs we keep around for people who are already proven entities elsewhere.
I had underestimated my value. We’ve had some very qualified applicants come in since I was hired, and they turned them away. I know that part of it is that every new hire is expected to bring something new to the team, I brought multiple new perspectives including blue collar and computer science skills.
So it’s a weird life I live. Yeah, I’m sick. I identify with the people I work with. Yet, we do what we must, don’t we? They haul themselves in, so must I. They wouldn’t compensate us if it wasn’t work. I get the bonus that I’m always compensated every time I go to that building, that’s a better deal than they get.
I really like your oil spill metaphor. It’s spot on.