My parents started to fight ever since I could remember. Â My father was abusive to my mother, not to me though. Still he screamed at me, kept me up all night telling me I was just a kid. HE broke chairs, smashed the house, broke my stuff, and hurt my mother very badly. I joined drama class at school, and he told me I couldn’t act. He crushed my dreams, and makes me feel worthless. All of my school days I have been bullied. The called me names, took away my jacket when it was cold, called me a lesbian, a wore, a fucking loser, a fat ass, and countless others. Every time I get close to someone or have a friend, they are not my friend anymore. They either stab me in the back, stop talking to me, lie to me, steal from me, hate on me, yell and make me feel worthless, or all of the above. It’s not like I choose these kind of friends. 50% of them wanted to be my friend first, and some of them are adults, or teachers! The only person I confided in was my teachers, and they said I was starved for attention, and a drama queen. All I want is to be loved, not get attention. Anyways, whenever I go to a family picnic or Christmas party, barely anyone talks to me. While my cousin is my grandma’s favorite and she yells at my grandma, I do something wrong and the whole family is screaming at me. I feel so alone, so lost. My heart can’t take anymore pain. Did I mention I also have Arthritis, and I’m only 14? Sometimes I’m in so much physical pain I can’t walk and I have to be in a wheel-chair. I don’t know what to do anymore. everyone I have ever loved has abandoned me except my mom, and she is just as depressed as I am. I feel like I cause so much pain in the world already what would be the difference I I died? I mean It obviously wouldn’t hurt my family as much as it would someone else’s, and Judging from how people have treated me my whole life I’m already selfish for wanting someone to love me. I don’t see the point in life anymore. I was a mistake to begin with. My mom couldn’t have children and when she told my dad she was pregnant he got so mad at her, said he felt trapped and didn’t even want me untill I was born. Even then he treated both of us like garbage. Most babies are fortunate to be made with a lot of love. even if their parents go through a divorce, at least it started with love. Not for me. I was a mistake. I was made in anger. I don’t belong here in this world. After so many people hurt me I believe that they really haven’t hurt me. Maybe I’m the one who hurt them. And I don’t know why. Because I don’t know why, Â makes me an even horrible person. I just want to be with God, and even if I go to hell for killing myself at least I won’t be hurting anyone even longer, plus I deserve the pain. I deserve to go to hell anyways. I don’t think anyone can help me. I know I’m not loved. So I guess I have no life. Life is good. But only for the people who make it that way. I’m a hopeless cause. Thanks for listing guys. If you could give me some advice, that would be great!
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All I want is to be loved, not get attention. Anyways, whenever I go to a family picnic or Christmas party, barely anyone talks to me –
this does not render you a drama queen. It means someone let you down during a critical time of development in your life. I cannot imagine leaving a kid to feel like this and ignoring them. It happened to me too.
I want to be with God too. God does not send people to hell. Having severe depression is not a sin and that is what you have. Its no different than a person with heart disease or cancer. You don’t want to feel this way – you dont even want to die. You just want the pain to go away – need relief from it.
You do not deserve pain and my heart breaks to hear you say this. I care.
It’s a shame to hear such a sad story. All you want is to be loved. The best way to feel love is to give love.
CrBalove ,
wooooooo! After saying all that about yourself then you say please help me! woooooooo! just joking my dear, sorry don’t know what to tell you, very sorry you’re in a wheel chair, that in its self can make a person feel bitter, but remember you can fall in love with some one preferably when your older and be in love and give love all you want. There is someone out there just for you!
Thank you so much. It’s nice to know a total stranger cares. But I don’t know. People have been telling me I’m worthless all my life. Yes some people tell me I’m a wonderful person. But as it balances out more people have said negative things about me than positive. Including the people I love(ed). Who would you believe if you heard more people (Including family and friends) that you were nothing than listening to a stranger say “your a wonderful person” here and there?
It’s heartbreaking to see such sadness in a young person. It seems that you have been subject to a lot of stress at home and perhaps in school as well. It sounds as though your parents’ fighting have really hurt your emotional well-being. But please don’t internalize belittling remarks coming from either your father or your peers. You don’t deserve them.
People can be very careless with their words and with how they treat others. It’s simply too easy to cast off a derogatory word or phrase without thinking about the person on the receiving end of it. Don’t spend too much energy thinking about the things they say. it’s not worth your time.
If you can find one thing that makes your life meaningful, invest in it, and invest in yourself. You only get one life-time to live. Don’t waste it on things that make you feel bad.
Please be happy.
I really needed to hear that. Thank you O. It’s like your an Angel of some kind. I’ve been praying for an angel for so long. I thought I didn’t deserve an Angel because when I needed them they weren’t there. But now I realize God is and even if you are not an Angel, you gave me some kind of hope. Thank you again O