I’m done.

Well let me begin from the beginning…I was born in Ukraine and moved here when i was four with my parents and my brother, i learned English and life was great even though we were poor. Then we moved to a little town with a little school and life gradually started getting worse by the day, we had financial problems and my mom went to school when I was in the 9th grade, so she was always stressed and she would put all her anger on my brother and I, but especially on me. I’ve always been on the heavy side, and always have been made fun of for it, but i thought i could ignore all those harsh comments and moves on, at first it was easy but then going into high school it became harder and harder. In the fall during 9th grade i was depressed/sad (that’s what I thought) i promised myself i would commit suicide by March, but March came around and i was not depressed anymore. The rest of the year kinda flew by along with summer. Now this year, 10th grade, I got depressed again, and it’s definetly worse than last year and so my low self-esteem (which was always low) got even lower, with my mom and friends noticing. I then realized I have an anxiety disorder, and I stress over every little detail, I barely get sleep at night, and I worry 24/7 about everything imaginable. Now, I try to avoid any alone time with my friends because I don’t want them to see me like this, and my dad repeatedly calls me fat, I can’t even wear yoga pants with a sweatshirt without him giving me disgusted looks. I try to be optimistic but something always knocks me down every time i try to get up and make myself happy. I barely look at myself in the mirror and i have just lost my apatite for every thing I used to love. My grades are good except for my English grade, which I keep knocking myself down for. I just hate my life and don’t think it’s worth going on any longer, I’m just tired of everyone and every thing.