from feelinglost

hi,

I’m new to this site. I was going through a hard time and subconsciously started to look at suicide related links, which lead me here.

I’ve had depression, bulimia and other illnesses like insomnia for about eleven years now. Although I tried and failed to commit suicide about five years ago, I’m generally a cheerful person and eight years with a good counsellor has lead me a long way.

I still have problems holding a job down, but the biggest blow is that the one love I’d been with for five years told me recently that he is marrying someone else. I have no choice but to respect his wishes and hopes he becomes happy, but it’s more difficult dealing with mild suicidal thoughts like this.

The irony is, when you’re needy and desperate you tend to isolate yourself, and it’s only when you’re okay by yourself that you can make real friends.

I’m not going to commit suicide any time soon. I tried before I realised I’m too chicken to actually do it.  I just wanted to put my thoughts out there, since there seems to be a lot of people living a hard life.

It’s been a long road and things are going to get tougher I can tell. But I hope I become my own friend a bit more and manage to die when I’m supposed to, instead of trying to end my own life.