As of right now, I’m at the bottom of the pit. If you look at my charts, I should be doing okay. But I feel so utterly depressed. I haven’t smoked weed or cigarettes in a month, and I’m not abusing my medicine. I’m also seeing a therapist and have hung out with my friends more often. Well, my clean friends that is.
Of course there’s a dark side though. I started drinking again. It’s not a lot, but I know it’s not good for me. Honestly though, if I don’t have a piece of the old me, I fear I’ll go insane. The thing is, instead of lowering me off of my drugs and alcohol, they just took me off them completely. I compare it to being pushed into a deep pool of water that’s -30 degrees. Well, I’m not sure about that comparison, but I’ll leave it. I know most people gradually stop their addictions, but because of a health issue, I needed to stop as soon as possible. I haven’t really used anything for the past weeks, and it’s not fun.
Okay I did lie a bit. I smoked one cigarette last week. I know that could ruin all the hard work I’ve put into stopping, but I am doing better. I’ve gotten my health up a bit, and overall I’m pretty stable. I’ve always got a person with me, making sure I don’t slip up. I still feel down in the dumps though.
I’m gonna go all cliche on you. DONT FUCKING DO DRUGS. Instead of running to them when you face a crisis like I did, just see a counselor or something. Because all the speeches they give you in school about drugs actually contain good advice. Especially about cigarettes. I haven’t smoked them very long, only about three months, but just don’t do it. Take my word, drugs suck. If your life is already fucked up, they make them worse. Instead of mourning in your own home, you get to mourn in jail.
Alright, I’m done being your mother. Sorry.
Anyways, quitting everything is going to help me in the long run but I’ve already done a lot of damage, So can someone just kill me already?
I’m sorry if none if this post makes any sense. It’s like two in the morning here and I can’t sleep.
10 comments
It makes about as much sense as anyone can expect from someone suffering “cold-turkey-syndrome.” (i made that up, but there’s probably a real name for what i’m describing)
I totally agree about the “like being pushed into -30 degree water” feeling. It’s like your entire body is locked in a spasm, mind nearly blank from the sensory overload of withdrawals, everything “AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” but you feel like you can’t even scream, can’t even think, because you’re frozen… but also ablaze. It’s a humbling, excruciating experience, for sure.
But… /eventually/… it’s starts to feel right again, and you’ll generally feel better, sturdier, more clear and stable… but you’ll live with those sometimes-more-than-occasional urges, for the rest of your life. You just have to keep building, stay strong, and don’t let them get you.
No slips with the tobacco. Each time you do, it will take ~2 weeks for the aftershock cravings to subside. That first one on the slip is great, but after… you’ve never wanted anything more in your life, and you have to do that whole “-30 degrees” all over again. Even if just for one… ONE cigarette. Don’t do it.
I’ve never gotten so deep into drugs (at least for now) to the point of addiction. (Well, I won’t lie, I love weed. And I crave for it sometimes, but I’m slowly stepping away from it, before I actually do get addicted. That’s pretty much the only drug i’ve done.) I don’t personally know what you are going through, I can only allow myself to imagine. I don’t have any profound advice to give (and perhaps not the best person to give advice), but I suppose all I can give is my support. 🙂 From what I’ve read you seem like a strong willed person. One or two slip ups are bound to happen, so don’t be so hard on yourself. However, you do need to constantly focus on getting better and I think you are doing an okay job, you’ve even set up a plan to prevent you from falling back in when the temptation comes. That shows that you have determination. I wish you good luck in becoming drug-free. 🙂
I concur on the “Dont do drugs” PSA. GI JOEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
also i read everything. good for you with quitting smoking. it takes cajones to stop
and stick to it. pish posh one cigarette. just pick up where you left off.
I’ve been sober for five years and the fact that I’m on this website should tell you that life is not easy but I will say, if your sober or clean you have a chance of getting through it. That’s all. Oh yeah, if you need to choose between getting high or a bullet, choose getting high.
I’ve been sober for five years and the fact that I’m on this website should tell you that life is not easy but I will say, if your sober or clean you have a chance of getting through it. That’s all. Oh yeah, if you need to choose between getting high or a bullet, choose getting high.
I’ve been sober for five years and the fact that I’m on this website should tell you that life is not easy but I will say, if your sober or clean you have a chance of getting through it. That’s all. Oh yeah, if you need to choose between getting high or a bullet, choose getting high.
I’ve been sober for five years and the fact that I’m on this website should tell you that life is not easy but I will say, if your sober or clean you have a chance of getting through it. That’s all. Oh yeah, if you need to choose between getting high or a bullet, choose getting high.
I’ve been sober for five years and the fact that I’m on this website should tell you that life is not easy but I will say, if your sober or clean you have a chance of getting through it. That’s all. Oh yeah, if you need to choose between getting high or a bullet, choose getting high.
@clevername Hah, I like the phrase “cold-turkey-Syndrome” and you’re completely right about the whole experience being humbling. I kind of thought that I was this strong brick wall, and that my experiences made it so no one could hurt me. But I was sosososososoooooo wrong. To say that withdrawal is hard is a huge understatement. I’m really feeling the cigarette thing too. After a month smoking became less of a one time thing and more of a “I need this shit now” But I’m almost never alone and the people I’m with basically smack anything bad right out of my hands.
Thanks 🙂
@noreception That’s what a lot of people keep telling me. That there’s a chance. I get it, but damn is it hard. One of the reasons I actually started using stuff was because of my depression. It’s a deep pit to get out of, but I’ve gotta do it.