Well I have just a couple days left before I leave this place for good. I have arranged to see my two youngest daughters on this day so I can hold them in my arms one last time and tell them how much I love them. Nobody sees this coming and I am sure it will shock them all, but it will look like an accident as I have done my work. I have my notes wrote to my daughters and a will that is notarized leaving both my daughters everything. Life should not be this hard as I have contemplated this for years as I was tired of all the beatings and abuse I have endured not to mention no woman has told me she loved me for years. Death is a welcome thing in my life! 4 days and this will be over, I will return and say my goodbyes a couple hours before. Thank you for not judging me or condemning me for my choice to finally have peace in my life. My daughters will be confused at first but after they are older and read the notes that they will get when they are a little older I am sure they will understand, as they are 9 and 10. My daughters are and always will be my little angels May God bless them.
To those women out their that keep their kids from their fathers for financial reasons and make false accusations when all else fails may you burn in hell….
8 comments
Can you give your daugter to someone before you leave , iam sorry its sound rude , but i feel bad if your daughter just lost her parent so sudden, and from your story i guess you got really bad wife
Iam sorry if i dont really understand
Your daughters will be devastated. But I will not stop you. I also agree with the final sentence.
First of all, I am sorry that you have found yourself in this terrible situation and I completely agree with your closing sentence.
With that said, I’m not sure you understand the effect your suicide will have on your daughters. Actually, perhaps you do in a way, based on the fact that you acknowledge the shock it will cause and that you have written letters to your children.
I’m sure you feel that you have given this decision enough thought. And perhaps you have. But I truly feel the best thing you can do – not only for yourself, but your children – is to fight, both for you AND, more importantly, for them. Remember: at the end of the day, and whatever the entire story may be, this sounds like an awful situation for ALL of you – not just you, but your kids as well.
Of course, I do recognize that the final choice is yours. Best wishes to you.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
I would present this consideration to you: your ex-wives being as they are, how high is the probability that they will keep your letters from your daughters and twist your death to suit their own purposes? “See? Your father didn’t love you or he wouldn’t have left you.”
In the end, taking your life is a personal choice, and not one I think should be taken from anyone. The stakes here, however….
And, yes, adding my agreement to that last sentence.
-Imp
Let me paint a picture for you. I was 12 years old my dad beat me unconscious broke a couple ribs cracked my eye sockets and bloodied up my face, 2 days later he moved out permanently. 2 weeks before Christmas on my 16th birthday my dad walked in on me with a gun to my head and stopped me from shooting myself. We both made an agreement that night he wouldn’t hurt himself if I didn’t. The end of January my dad went missing and 2 weeks later they found him dead he committed suicide. I am the one who answered the call that night from my step mother “your dad is dead the funeral is on Saturday:.
My dad beat me my whole life and my mother would tell me to lie about it so I did, she never once protected me. 3 years later my step mom hung herself in front of her 8 year old daughter in the shower. My stepfather was an ass and neglected me and again my mother protected him and gave him the social security that was from my dad so he could pay his child support. I have been married twice and both my ex wives cheated on me more than once before I divorced them, I gave them everything so I could have as much visitation with my kids. My second wife abused me constantly hitting me if I ever tried to give her a hug or kiss.
My own family has robbed me of my belongings and used me to remodel their homes or fix their cars never got a thanks once from any of them. My oldest daughter moved in with me and I got her back on the right path no more cutting and got her grades up to a 3.0 she took up art and guitar. I put my foot down on no boys and she didn’t like it. Her mother bribed her to move back with her as she also owed me a lot of back child support. I filed papers and had her served 4 days later I was arrested and charged with a sex crime. My ex wives are friends and in this together and want me gone simply because I want to be part of my kids lives and I won’t back off. I only ask for what the court has appointed me and I never get that. My kids is all I had left in this world and now they are gone. My ex wife tried this before and I beat it it’s the same story just added my daughters ex boyfriends as they hate me as well for keeping my daughter from them. I have tried to be a good dad but the courts always go with the woman regardless of the circumstances and I am now broke and have lost my kids all due to lies.
Death is my only peace I have left, as for the letters to my kids my mother has them and they are on my email that my sister will have as well so they will get them. All the texts and emails are also saved for my kids to see so they will know their mother kept them from me and I did everything I could to be with them they will see how evil their mother was and know the truth about their dad. I am looking at prison if convicted and I don’t want my kids to worry about me so death is the only answer. Exit bag is the plan ******** so the body doesn’t reject it very peaceful for me. Social security is set up and all info needed to get it for my kids is wrote down and all my belongings go to my kids.
If you were in my shoes I am sure you would do the same thing,
I am so sorry lostfather.. I hope you find peace. I agree your daughters will be lost without you, I am so sorry for the harsh life you have had. I don’t know what else to say.. except, know that we here are thinking of you.
I signed up to this site to reply to your post. I looked at this site because I suffer from the same emotional pains, in a waxing and waning cycle. Lostfather, you may have a similar problem that I have. Your family probably thinks your the strongest of all of them. That’s why you get the antagonizing, grief and backlash. Their insecurities are played out by getting you, before you can expose their flaws, demons, and plagues. I had/have this very same issue. I can say had, because my mother has recently passed. The greatest source of my grief and depression, can no longer inflict any more pain. I see a therapist and have gotten into meditation, since my mothers passing (about 2 months ago). I couldn’t even go to her funeral because of the lies and drama, that would have surrounded my arrival. my mom was very abusive, Mommy Dearest had nothing on her! The family liked me when I had money to gift them, and hated me, even while pretending. Abuse and pain made me think suicide was my only answer. I can honestly say, that life can change. Meditation, for peace, healing and enlightenment has helped ease the pain, show me why I suffered abuse, and helped me reengage with my children. Not in the sad way, but slowly, with a little more confidence and happiness. I hope you find a way to stay strong. See yourself happy with your daughters, while their mothers take a trip the the emotional hell mill. Your daughters need the abuse and suicide legacy to stop, even when you are weak, you are strong. Be strong enough to stop the cycle. That’s it, just strong enough for that. Then be happy because that’s all you need to do. Enjoy every moment from the position of having conquered your whole purpose of being. A man who fulfilled his warrior purpose! Much love to you and your family!
Tonight is the night after I see my 2 girls I will end my life. I will leave them with a gift and happy thoughts of their dad to remember me by. Notes are in place and a complete stranger will find me not a family member. May god have mercy on my soul and I pray he will understand why I did this. I have 9 hours left, one last good meal a smile and a hug from both my daughters and then peace.
Thank you for your thoughts and kind words on here, may God bless each of you with peace and happiness.