I’ve been this way for years now. Antisocial. Never the popular guy. Kind of a hermit, I keep to myself. I’ve dealt with depression and feelings of suicide before, but they eventually went away. In the last year though, I’ve really gone back downhill. I’m living alone and I lost by job back in December. That kind of deflated me. For the last year, I’ve been employed for maybe five or six months and for the rest of the time I’ve been jobless. Nothing inspires me. Any job I ever work is thankless and uninspiring and I find myself depressed even when I DO have a job because there’s nothing around here that I really enjoy. Half the time I feel like too much of an idiot to get a better job because I’m what you might call a “book smart, not common sense smart” kind of guy.
Anyway, when I lost my job, I kind of gave up on myself. I decided that I no longer have the energy to deal with life and all the bullshit that comes with it, so I gave up. I don’t even have the energy to apply for new work. I’ve literally given up on myself. I’ve turned in various applications, but nobody’s hiring. I owe crazy amounts of money, so much it’s ridiculous. I don’t have NEARLY enough money to pay all the money that I owe, and in the next two months, I’ll probably be homeless. To make matters worse, my car is screwed up. It won’t start, nobody knows what’s wrong with it and I don’t have the money to take it to a shop and figure out what’s wrong. As a result of my car trouble, I’ve been holed up in this apartment for weeks now unable to go anywhere and it’s driving me stir crazy. I just want to scream.
I just constantly keep thinking to myself, “why can’t I wake up one day and be happy? Why can’t things be fixed?” Unlike depression with other people, I don’t think mine has anything to do with medical issues or chemicals in my brain. My depression is a direct result of the situation I’m in. There’s no pill I can take to fix that. I feel like there’s no way out, and the only source of peace is suicide. But then I’m terrified of going to hell for killing myself, so even THAT isn’t a happy option for me. I feel like there’s literally no way out. I feel like I’m in a crowded room full of people just screaming for help and no one can even hear me, nor do they care.
I no longer have any energy, emotional or otherwise. I feel like I’m completely spent. I feel like I’ve already lived eight lifetimes and the thought of going on for another day is too exhausting. I’ve given up on myself and I don’t know what to do. I can’t handle life anymore.
15 comments
I cannot hold jobs either. I hate whatever I try to do and I just give up. I am afraid of the hell if I commit suicide. I wake up everyday just utterly miserable. I just want to sleep and then I cannot even do that. I tried to take too many sleeping pills once to get some relief for a while, and then I could not sleep and made myself sick. I have no car and tons of debt. I tried some meds once and I still felt bad and then crazy on top of it. I feel so tired of it all and angry that I cannot seem to get well.
Snap, im in the same position as you.Ive actually asked my friends to take me out for a drink cos i need someboddy to talk to cos im feelin deprest..They all know my situation and tell me not to be hard on myself and that ive not been out of work for long.But how come nobody has said “come out let have a drink and talk” It seems like im always there for everyone else and nobody wants to know me anymore cos im broke.
So im just here stuck in the house with nothing to do and spend all my time on the internet looking @ suicide sites like this.then cry all the fucking time Ive also been looking @ what type of casket i want to be burried in and the cost of funerals .sometimes when my friends come around i show them caskets and they think its a joke cos i always choose the bronze ones that cost the most money, yet i have no money.im so alone and my stonach is hurting me like crazy.i want it to stop
Snap, im in the same position as you.Ive actually asked my friends to take me out for a drink cos i need someboddy to talk to cos im feelin deprest..They all know my situation and tell me not to be hard on myself and that ive not been out of work for long.But how come nobody has said “come out let have a drink and talk” It seems like im always there for everyone else and nobody wants to know me anymore cos im broke.
So im just here stuck in the house with nothing to do and spend all my time on the internet looking @ suicide sites like this.then cry all the fucking time Ive also been looking @ what type of casket i want to be burried in and the cost of funerals .sometimes when my friends come around i show them caskets and they think its a joke cos i always choose the bronze ones that cost the most money, yet i have no money.im so alone and my stomach is hurting me like crazy.i want it to stop
I know what you mean man. Ive been pushed into therapy and more meds than i can count by my parents and i just want to scream at them that that stuff cant do a damn thing about how plain shitty my life is. I happen to be an aethiest so im not worried about hell so suicides always an option for me, i cant imagine how terrifying it must be to not even have that. I sincerely hope you can make it through this period in your life.
I’m the same way right now. I always get this way when work slows down. (I’m a freelancer.) I try to fight the depression & I think I’m making progress but then another day comes & it feels bad again. Like there’s nothing to look forward to. Even though I know there are many things I should appreciate, like my loving wife, my loving parents, & my health (so far). I honestly don’t know what to do. Being an introvert, when I don’t feel good, I withdraw from people because it’s hard for me to socialize. I’ve tried positive reinforcement, saying to myself positive encouraging things, but it doesn’t seem to stick. It just feels like some things just happen in life & there’s no way to really fight it. You just have to go with it & hang on until things get better. I guess I’m not strong enough mentally to control my reaction to the things that happen in life. Just hang on. Just hang on. Tomorrow could be better. What’s the alternative? Checking out of life? Now there’s a guarantee that you won’t feel better. You won’t feel anything at all. You can’t really appreciate the good times unless you go through bad times. Just hang on & get through the bad times. Try to be strong. If not for you, for the people who love you.
Hang in there!
Don’t give up. There are people out there that care about you. The thought of them losing you is too much to bear and you do not want to put that type of pressure on them. There are times in everyone’s life when the best and the worst side of us come out. I do not believe that you have suicide as an option because that will not fix the problem. You need to stop being paranoid and wake up from the dream you seem to be having. WAKE UP. You tell me that you have no energy and that life is hard and your sick of living because you are tired and have spent all your energy. You need to find a reason for living that will help you live through every moment a little stronger. I think you need to become strong willed.-there was a time when being along botherd me. It does not bother me anymore. I am ok with being alone but that does not mean that i choose it. Its ok for you to be alone but i recommend that you find something real to do. Go and walk around the park or something….it might help you. I’m in a similar situation and people around me used to tell me that i wasn’t depressed. They were wrong of course cuz this is depression. Good luck fighting in off.
I couldn’t believe your post as I was reading it, it’s like I wrote it myself, my situation is so similar it’s scary, and that makes me think we’re not the only ones…
I didn’t lose my job, I actually quit! In the worst economy in years, yes I quit my management position in a small town, to move to L.A. where I felt like there would be so many more possibilities for things; The thing is right after I got here and lived in my truck for a couple weeks, the differential got screwed up, fortunately I had a place to live by then, but with my truck out of commission and my savings running out, I just feel like it’s hopeless. I don’t know what to do, and I can’t make myself apply for jobs or anything really. I go on careerbuilder.com and just cringe.
I feel like I just really want a vacation, time to not do anything, but life won’t let me! you have to have money to pay rent and eat, so it is what it is.
I don’t get it, I’m a smart, single, good looking guy in his late 20’s with lots of talents and experience, but just no ambition anymore. I feel like something stole my mojo. I just feel like I really don’t care. about anything ;p
Anyway hang in there, I guess you just have to conciously know that the dark days will pass and things will be good again someday.
hi there, its frustrating to read your situation, but life has its ups and downs, me too i was deppressed when i didnt pursue my dreams of getting married. There were times that i felt that life has no meaning when you commit mistakes over and over again. But there ia always a way out of that situation, i would like you end up smiling and saying yeah i beat the odds and here i am victorious amidst everything.
In your case you are still young, very smart and talented, have you ever heard the light at the end of the tunnel.
For now, i would suggest that you will go to any organizations, that offers free shelter and volunteer what you can do for them.
Make yourself available for others, its not being dependent to somebody, but you have to realize that there is another life out there waiting for you .
Talk to someone about your situations open up to your friends, colleague,
siblings and to your parents.
If you dont have money right now why dont you look around to the things that you need in yor house and opt for garage sale to save a penny for a day.
Just hang on, there will be better days for you.
Be hopeful
I want to give up too. I live alone and I don’t socialize. I have always been a loner. I can not seem to find the help I need. I feel like I need someone to come a rescue me from myself. Unfortunately that will never happen. I am now getting to the point where I lay in bed most of the day to the point of it being physically painful. I feel invisible. I am invisible. I feel there is no one I can talk to about my problems. There was one person I talked to but that person left. I would try to improve things if it weren’t for the fact that no matter what I always end up back in this place. I have visions of hanging myself or jumping off of the eigth floor balcony but I am afraid of death and pain. I feel I am stuck in hell.
I wish I had never been born.
I care. I just learned a little about you and I am wondering what do you do during the day, what is your favorite color, favoirte meal. I don’t know you and if you do commit suicide won’t probably know – but your experience and what you are going through makes me want to see your face and wonder if you will miss out on a perfect opportunity in some future and if you were to commit suicide you will never know – I know hope is hard …. you see I am no fluffy carebear – I am a middle aged woman who has lost her family through divorce, her home, her buisness; now works for others and is always looking over her shoulder wondering if suicide can make things right – then I see that it will create a whole new set of problems that I have no clue of – enough with my current problems – thank you very much. You are better off that other people – they live lives that they thnk are full and yet it is all a scam….at least your eues are wide open. Life is not pretty sometimes……I wish I knew what to tell you – but all I can think of is that you sound pretty interesting.
I got on the internet and typed in “I am so screwed up I dont know what to do” out of all the results I decided to click on this. Seems like someone is trying to tell us all something!
I have always been a loner the typical looser type. I am not an attractive guy and the front I put on is fake so people dont know hoe miserable I am. I am afraid they would run screaming if they got to know me. I have been divorced for three years now and my ex wife left me with HSV if you know what that is you know why I cannot find anyone. I have a good job I am obssesed its all I do right. I make good money and yet I live in a house I just screw up with every desicion I make. I dont know what to do I seem to be in quick sand I just cant get out. I attempted suicide years ago well had it planned and someone I was in the military with stopped me. I got counseling and thought I figured something out but here I am and it seems to get worse. I am also afraid of commiting suicide I dont want to end up in limbo or a place worse than hell. I cant imagine being in your position and loosing my job as well. All I can say is there seems to be a lot of people out there like us so maybe we all need to find a way to reach out to each other for support. There are support groups out there but you have probably tried that. Maybe we should all go out and try to just reach out and help someone else like ourselves. Hope you dont decide to commit suicide I think you probably have more to give than you know.
there is NOWHERE on the damn internet for people to go when they are depressed, out of date chatrooms with noone in, idiots telling to go and see a psych, well guess what ive been seein loads for 12 years its all rubbish. God knows why im still here. All i want is someone to talk to who feels the same as me is that too hard to ask? Im fucking sick of it and if i didnt have a kid id take my 3rd overdose right now and be done with it.
NOBODY WANTS TO BE ANYWHERE NEAR ME THE PSYCHS FOB ME OFF THE MEDICINE DOESNT WORK CBT DOES NOT WORK NOTHING WORKS!!!!!
hey i think im alot like you i also need someone to talk to i think we would be good for each other im also haveing a kid and spent many years seeing phych as you put it and on pills for so much shit if you do want to talk heres my email Beneggs@hotmail.com and my AIM is beneggking
I am in a similiar situation although i also think the chemicals in my brain are a bit screwed. I used to inhale lighter fluid which made it seem like i could understand infinity. It was pretty wierd but it was like super intense. DONT DO IT IT WILL ONLY MESS UP YOUR BRAIN>
Anyways now my life is in the toilet and besides scribbling on this site the whole day I saw this video which will get me through today. Not sure about tomorrow though. Audrey Hepburn is so amazing .. it makes me very sad that she is dead 🙁
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsWn5UdRKDM&feature=related