I don’ feel any more butterflies in my stomach when I think of him anymore, all I really feel is pain and that makes me sad. This used to make my world, he brightened it and made it so beautiful. Now, it feels gray and dank and disgusting. Now, when I think about him, I wonder if he even loves me at all, and if he doesn’t then when did he stop. I wonder if it was easy for him to replace me and I pray to the Universe that it isn’t, that if he truly loved me then he won’t be able to -selfish, […]
The guy I was seeing a couple weeks ago, Aaron, turned out to be a bust. He was a really nice and sweet guy, but his interest ran out. But that’s not my main problem. It’s Presley. I am madly in love with Presley, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we were in love with each other, and then all the crap happened with Holly and Amy, he chose both of them over me, and yet we still love each other. I want to yell at him, I want to pound on his chest and beat all of my pain away as […]
Oh my gosh, I have been trying to remember the name of this site for the life of me! I’ve looked every where for it for the past two years and then *BAM* I finally found it! No, I just went back through some of what I wrote and I feel bad for my past self; I was not a positive person, but I know it wasn’t my fault that I was depressed. No, here’s what’s happened the past couple years – p.s. sorry for the long story.
My best friend moved to Arizona in December of 2014; I missed her like crazy. I went out […]
A lot of people say that your Senior year is supposed to be supper easy as hell and the most fun that one can have, so I must be living the wrong life. So far, my life has been filled with pressure and stress and I am emotionally and physically tired.
What could I do to release some of the stress I’ve been living? What else is there besides cutting?
By now I’ve cut multiple lines into my skin, creating a twisted piece of artwork that is full of scratches and swelling cuts and the one problem I have is how I can’t tell anyone else what […]
You know what? I’m not feeling suicidal, I don’t feel like cutting. I just feel empty. There’s just a huge empty hole that’s inside me and it’s leaving me very uncertain. My parents want me to think about life, especially since this is my senior year, but they don’t understand that I don’t see myself living after I turn 18. Let me explain: I don’t mean that I’m gonna commit suicide, or anything like that, it’s just I can’t see myself in the future after 18. I can’t imagine going to college, traveling the world, having kids, getting married. I know that normal people can […]
Do you remember that feeling that everything is finally better? That you feel you have finally out ran the blade and all the pain? Tell me if you remember the day that you woke up and found that it was all a dream, that you never outran the blade or the pain or the scars? That’s how I’m feeling right now. I feel how all of my problems have been piled up so high that I can’t see anymore, that the weight is just too much. It feels like I can’t breath anymore, like my world is just crashing down all around me. I love […]
I have a story, just like everyone else. It’s complicated, just like everyone’s, but I’m still different. I won’t explain it all, I won’t tell you all the sappy shit that goes on, because what good will that do? I was always told that the past doesn’t define you, so you should grow up. Right now I don’t feel like growing up, not just yet. Right now I want to live in a moment where I am the person that I have always wanted to be and that my parents will actually be proud of me and not try to change me to their standards. […]
I have been clean of cutting for seven months. Seven. I am very proud of that, so freakin proud of it, but there’s just one factor. I want to cut. I have stayed silent for seven months, I have tried something new for seven months, feeling happy about the fact that I am clean, but the want is there and it will always be there. And since I am now living with my father for the rest of my teen life, I am freaking out. Over here, we can’t cut, we can’t get angry, we can’t get sad, we can’t do what we want with […]
I kind of thought that I summed up the feeling of cutting, but I’d like to know if it seems right, because it does for me.
The slices on my wrist hurts
Yet I continue to feel pain
I don’t feel anything, not yet
Go deeper, hurt more, fresh blood.
My thirst quenched but the want
Grows more until I give in
Go another round, getting more high
The touch squeals with untimely pleasure.
I take a breath and sigh
A sweet moan escapes into darkness
As fresh blood sweeps me away
Dripping onto the newly bleached floor.
Drip-Drop, Crack-Smash, loud banging
On the bathroom door, begging me
To stop but I do not stop
No I keep playing this roulette.
Suddenly […]
Stains on the ground
Stains on me,
Covering my arms,
So the world won’t see.
Pain from my mother
Pain from everything,
I try to let it go
Even as I sing.
Uncles dead
All to guns,
I’ll choose my end
The way my family runs.
Desprate how
For a way out,
But no matter how I say it
Or how loud I shout.
Locked in my room
Day after day,
I didn’t know what to do
I didn’t know what to say.
Bruises on my arms
Stained to my face,
I closed myself from the world
And planned of incase.
Don’t know what to do
Don’t know how to live,
Because no matter how much
I won’t get back from all that I give.
Put the gun to my head
Close my eyes […]
I know that this is kind of late, but I just wanted say my piece of what I was thankful for.
I am thankful for the watch that my father bought me; without it, I would never be able to tell the time or know how much time has past. You see, my watch isn’t fancy, and it isn’t too cheap, but its perfect for me because it’s very symbolic to me. My watch symbolizes how much my father really cares that I know what time it is, how he went out of his way to buy me something that was small even though it mattered to me. My […]
For a school assignment I decided to write this poem that I want you guys to read and just to tell me what you think. Thanks!
Mi maestra dije –My Teacher Said
           Go home and write
           A page tonight
           And let that page come out of you—
           Then it will be true.
But now I wonder if anything is real or a dream
Who am I is all I think about at night.
I am a person, just like everyone here
I have my faults and dreams – my hopes and fears.
I am the brightest hue among those who are but grey
Those who blend to create scenery but don’t […]
Hey guys, it’s been a while. Things have been going a whole lot smoother, it’s been better since September, but I’ll make sure to catch everyone up. During the summer, I went over to my father’s house more often and I enjoyed the time I got to spend with him and my step-mom, I enjoyed feeling free and responible at the same time; it was so much like cutting. Then, a little bit afterwards, my mom got pregnate, it’s the first time this has happened in five years and I am just freakin’ excited and happy for her, but she’s taken it way too far […]
I just started dating my REALLY good friend-known each other for almost nine months now- and he lives in Egypt. He’s really sweet, kind, and I absolutely love his smile, but the problem-for us- is we have to date online. My family doesn’t really like it when I do that-date over the internet. Especially my sister.
The things that she doesn’t like? Well, to start off, his age. He’s really turning 20 in May. Saying that, I know everyone is going to care about that the most, just like Tiff-since ALL boys at 19 think of only one thing- but please just let me keep going.
Things […]
I always think back to when I tried to kill myself last year, OD-ing, and now I really wish I did it. Here’s some reasons why.
1. My family would finally wake up and face reality that everything is NOT “alright”
2. I would be in a better place than alive and my friends wouldn’t care
3. I wouldn’t always have my suicidal thoughts or this “illness”
4. People would actually think about me
5. At least one person would remember me
After thinking about that, I think of other reasons to why I’m alive.
1. My family sometimes cares enough about me to actually remember me from time to time.
2. Â I […]
i just gotta let all of this off my chest, it hurts so much. it’s been 40 days since i last cut, since my father said that the next time i cut, he would do something about it, he would put me in a facility that would help me, unlike my mother. i know, not cutting is a good thing, but you have no clue how much it helps. everyone has drama, at home, at school, whatever, but i just got to tell someone, even if no one reads this sh*! and i gotta tell u, it’s long, but if you could help me, i […]
wat do i do? i don’t know what the fuk im suppose to do to make ppl happy, to make me happy. i told my mom i needed help, i needed to go to a clinic, but she says everythings okay, tht she’ll fix things nd all i need is a fukin therapist. how the fuk is tht suppose to help me!!! i’ve gone to therepy for 6 years!!! 6!!! nd nothings working! i still wnt to die, but she says she’ll fix everything.
i want to cry, i want to die, i want to kill myself, i want to feel the pain on my wrists […]
Guinevere by Eli Young Band I don’t know why, but I feel like this reminds me of me, anyone else???
tonight, i know it’s not going to do much, but i’ll start taking the pills again. 10 melatonin, 6 almost hurt me too much last time. it’s to kill the pain, to feel only numbness. i don’t know what’ll happen, i don’t know if i’ll chicken, but i’m sorry to anyone that’s ever been hurt, to those who failed, and to those who succeeded in doing the impossible. i hope that those lives that i touched are forever touched and will live a bit longer, if not for anyone or yourselves, for me. if i do make it to morning, i’ll let you know and […]
Each cut is like a battle scar, like a fading glory. I dare myself to go deeper and deeper each time, feeling the rush of life, but then it’s gone. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I hate therapists, I hate people who pity me, and I just hate everything. Nothing good comes out of when they just say things, because they aren’t helping.
The date is set, but it won’t be for another 3 years, until I’m a senior, until I become that perfect person that my parents, friends, family, and teachers want. I’ll be just like Terrence, no one will know what hit them.
I’m not […]
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