77evergone77

what am I but a freak? if everyone else is made of their own conscience, then what am I but a collective manifestation of expectations, reactions, memories, and the lives of those around me. 

the constitution dictates the right of the pursuit of happiness, but what if there is no happiness to be found. only a dark dank realization of the predicament we have driven ourselves to as a species.
 one by one we will bite the dust until those left-generations ahead- will be naught but entities like myself. living off of each other, clinging to whatever there is, but falling. always, continuously falling; like a […]

I can’t do this. survive in a reality that feels like a dream- a nightmare.
I can feel myself slowly go insane. nothing feels real anymore. i float around this world in a haze that only clears enough to allow those moments of horrible feeling-panic, fear, anger, sorrow- to come through and take over. to dictate this dream life I’m forced to live. 

i feel like rambling so if you choose to read this consider it fair warning…

ive been wondering. how is it possible that we have opinions of our own if were only manifestations of our past memories and experiences? does that mean they are formes upon knowledge of other eoples thoughts, idead, and words? where does that leave room for our personalities, if we even have one of our own? are we unique only because each of us has had a different sequence of experiences? where do our ideas and actions come from but what we feel is expected of us and fathomed of us. […]

     This is the dream I ha last night. Spencer is the guy I’ve liked for almost two years now. but I have no hope with him whatsoever. im not sure why he’s in this dream and i cant say i really enjoyed this dream. i barely understand it. the only reason I’m posting this is for Hannah and “Sucks”. you guys helped a lot.

     The frigid air somhow got past my many layers of clothing and froze my skin. Turning my olive toned skin a little paler and pinker than it should have been. I breathed into my hands again and continued […]

I’ve always known that i do not belong among the living. i dont hate the world, and the world doesn’t hate me. Its the people in it that will eventually force my hand to cut deeper than ever before.

Useless words cannot convey
The thoughts inside my head.
And no mere poem
Or story I make
Can clear this sence of dread.

I am the dead weight you drop
Because it’s useless
I am the dust you blow away
I am the old book that you’ll never read
But that you’ll easily throw away.

Nothing I say or do
can make these emotions clear to you
And Nothing you say to me
Can make me less of an entity
Than I am to myself

I am the dead weight you drop
Because it’s useless
I am the dust you blow away
I am the old book that […]

Today I went out biking with my dad. About a little over 10 miles away we reached the waterfront. It was beautiful. It was there that I found it. I was looking around and cruising. On my left was the water, on my right was a cliff, overgrown and rocky. I immediatly knew that even though it wasn’t very high. It might Just be tall enough. I don’t know when I’ll go back, but it’s comforting to know it’s there. I’ve already started thinking of how I could make it work. I think I might know how. I like the idea of knowing that the […]

If I have to take any more of this I WILL shatter and I’m afraid where the shards will fly. They might end up hurting a person I don’t want to be affected by this.
A few minutes ago I just hung up with my friend. She called because of a nightmare she had had. In it, I had killed myself and she was scared. She knows some parts o my issues so she’s afraid it was one of those phychic dreams. I think he might be right but I don’t have the heart or the stability to tell her. She was already crying. So […]

I feel as though I’m choking on air
Being strangled by the breeze.
I’m locked into place
I will never be free.

I’m lying in my bed afraid to go to sleep but also afraid to stay up because my moms in a foul mood and hates when I stay up late. Little does she know, I hardly ever sleep anymore. Only when absolutely nessicery (I’m sorry I can’t spell). I feel consticted and alone. Like an evacuated holocaust camp. Abandoned because help came too close and hated for what it was used for and what it was forced to do and who it was forced […]

Just yesterday I broke down and almost ended up hurting my sister in the process. She was being her usual mean self absorbed self and didn’t notice that I was on edge. So she decided to pick a fight with me. Verbal. Almost never phisical anymore. I have been doing karate to help with the helpless andger and frustration o not being able to kill myself and I Noe am able to relly hurt someone. I guess martial arts was a ba idea. Even though I skip so many classes.
My sister continued to pick on me and enfuriate me until I just lost it. […]

This isn’t the best I’ve ever written. Sorry if reading this was a waste of your time~

You took awayall of my joy,
You played with me, you personal toy,
You broke me inside
There’s nothing to hide
Wht has happened to you poor boy?

You took away my pain for free
Slated the numb that tourmented me
You saved my soul
From a dark black hole
But now you ask for a farewell fee

Hidden costs gone unforseen
That bein back my agony
I toss and I turn
But still it burns
To know that you’ve left me

Your my only surviving “friend”
But sometimes it feels like […]

This is for Charolette. I think I might be finally comming out of my writers block.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Normal, or emo? To cut, or not to cut? How is tht even a question? So Manu thought,questions, and even answers were running through my head. None of which o would share with HER.

SHE is a therapist. But her appearance suggests she’s a porcilen Barbie, not suitable for play or exposure to screw-ups. How she got this job, I could only wonder. There were many possibilities but I didn’t dare think hard on the subject, lest my mind go onto more unwanted areas. She had a habit of wearing […]

To escape from the slits in my skin
Would be too much to ask 
The perfect therapy
Letting evrything drain away
Just with a little stain. 
So if you want to
Save me.
 
Take me to the place
where I can be free
Where pain can’t find me.
Where the rivers aren’t salty with tears
And don’t empty to a sea
Red with blood.
A place where words are uselese
Because feelings tell the story.
 
There
There are no misunderstandings
No abuse
No pain. 
There
There is no worry
And no chance of being
Too late.
Take my hand 
Take me to the […]

Sorry for wasting space on this website. I just feel kin of abandoned and hated. And theirs no one I feel I can trust anymore because I’ve been betrayed so many times. For me I feel that sometimes the only way to stopthe pain is to stop breathing. Forever. Anyway I just decided to post a poem I wrote based on a memmory. Sorry again for wasting space.
evergone

Only a blade
could shatter the sanity
of a child prodegy.
Left alone in an expectant darkness
that seems to slither and writhe around her