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I’m just posting this here because it speaks to the larger scale of things. You guys ever heard of Behavioral Game Design? It’s basically just what it sounds like. A blueprint cataloguing tried and effective ways to get you addicted. Smartphone games had it, World of Warcraft had it, Total War has it.

With the understandable indignation at this fact in mind, we all know gamers are never going to rise up and overturn the greed fueled stagnating industry, despite all the revolutions they’ve oversaw and heroes they’ve played as in video games.

Just like that one episode of Rick and Morty where they kill the Rick […]

sometimes I feel like I’m already dead

I remember a dude on here years ago griping about his height and how he wanted to be an athlete but couldn’t… Well I’ve been taking this shit called Ashwagandha for… 4 days now… And I can’t say for certain, but I could almost swear to god, I’m taller. I was already pretty tall as it is. Which sucks. I wanted to use this stuff to build muscle. Not height. I’m already 6’4. I can’t get much taller without being a freak. Guess I’ll have to throw this crap out and just be skinny.

Anyway, if that dude ever reads this, maybe his torment will end. […]

I know it’s a stale question a this point, but why do people use Facebook if they’re not even going to answer their messages? It’s like that one video with that homeless guy who talks about how dozens of old friends from high school hit HIM up and then not a one responded when he invited them to his birthday lol

But not even reading your messages? Just leaving them on read for days, weeks, even months? I just don’t get it

What that annoying person who left the site wrote came back to me today after I had an encounter with my “friend” with Asperger’s. He went on and on about how “people’s faces change when..” (insert scenario here) and/or “when you kill someone, it’s a burden on your SOUL” etc..

No. I had an encounter with an old drunk guy who kept on insisting my abusive mom loved me and asked if I could forgive her. Bro. Forgiveness ain’t got anything to do with it. You can’t forgive someone who has no remorse and hasn’t changed. And there is no love in fear.

These people, are just too […]

we’d be better off if this world was dead. what’s keeping me holding on? my abusers are unrepentant pieces of trash, what’s the point of this. there’s no point to any of this.

…Deep down, beyond all the bullshit?

I’m actually a very warm, soft, intimate person, but the world won’t let me be that person. I forget it sometimes. I could go on but it seems weird self referencing.

So, no one sees who I truly am. No one has ever known who I truly am. No one appreciates me for who I truly am. Maybe it’s because of how the cards were lain. When I was 7 I was taken into a foster home. By the time I got back I had to go to a new school. It’s just there wasn’t enough time for people to grow […]

I have Schizoid PD, Depressive Subtype

Multiple-Complex Developmental Disorder (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

possible Korsakoff’s Syndrome, or prefrontal lobe damage/unidentified condition

I’m pretty sure it’s getting to the point that I’m taking severe physiological damage from the lack of sex, affection, or human interaction. How am I supposed to go outside when people can hear my thoughts. I can’t go to school, get a job. Let alone have sex. Imagine that doozy. Imagine trying to do it with someone while they’re screaming about god knows what in your ear without even knowing it. Eh fuck it it’s not like any of you understand or care. Who am I talking to? Basically no one. I’m screaming into the void. Invalidating myself more and more with every word. […]

Lelouch vi Britannia once said “When there is evil in this world that justice cannot defeat. Would you taint your hands with evil to defeat evil? Or would you remain steadfast and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil? To defeat evil, I shall become an even greater evil.”

My friends may have though I could defeat my mental illness with sheer force of will. While we know that’s impossible, I don’t think they were wrong about everything, and I don’t look down on them for being wrong. C. talked a lot about that quote, “Those who do battle with monsters must […]

Just by living… People hurt others, without even realizing it. So long as humanity exists, hate will also exist. There is no peace in this cursed world. War is just a crime paid for by the pain of the defeated…

Even innocent foolish children will grow up in the face of pain, until their thought and beliefs are the same as their doubts.

Do you understand pain a little now? If you don’t share someone’s pain, you can never understand them. But just because you understand them doesn’t mean you can come to an agreement. That’s the truth.

Things always happen without warning and the reason becomes apparent […]

Anyone else ever just feel like going full send, write out a long and personal post having the intent to convey something thorough and deep, and then have it veer so completely far off from what you had originally intended that you just scrap it and say fuck it? And in the end it comes down to: Who would relate? Probably no one anyway.

I really wish I could express myself better. Anyone wanna talk?

That’s the second time I’ve asked that in a row. It’s a sign that I’m becoming more suicidal. But no one will notice anyway.

And even if you do respond, I won’t have […]

I’m so disappointed by humanity, death is inevitable, all I’m doing is running away

So. As it turns out, I have an incurable disease. I’ll spare you the description and just insert some links:

https://psychology.wikia.org/wiki/Korsakoff%27s_psychosis

If you haven’t guessed, that kinda sucks dick. If you haven’t visited the links, I suggest you do so now, otherwise continuing to read will be pointless and any comments made on the matter can presumably be said to be likewise. No, I’m not alright.

If you’ve been reading my posts, or have skimmed anything I’ve written, you’d find that I’ve been struggling for some time to identify a very strange condition which has afflicted me since I was 17. It’s been 8 years now, 8 years […]

Just know I tried to find some faith but wasn’t able to
I tried to turn all of my weaknesses to strengths but wasn’t capable

The world was always terrible, and it always will be. It doesn’t get better, it never has, and it never will, until we wipe ourselves out, which will be pretty soon. I think the last I heard, we’ve got less than 15 years to reverse climate change. No one cares.

I don’t want to be an adult. I’m not good at it. I wasn’t even good at being young. I’m not good at being me, come to think of it. How many people from here have actually killed themselves? I know the cliché thing is those that really do it are the ones who stop talking about it.

Born like this
Into this
As the chalk faces smile
As Mrs. Death laughs
As the elevators break
As political landscapes dissolve
As the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
As the sun is masked
We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die

I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they’re real
I’ve been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures
Are all I can feel