Author

blind_cinderella

Goodbye

by blind_cinderella 1/21/2014

written by blind_cinderella

This is my last post here.

I decided to take things into my own hands, to face with everything that comes. Something happened recently and it is really hard to look at myself in the mirror. I deserve everything bad that will happen to me because i did terrible things myself. I longed to become like people around me and i have succeeded. I never thought i will but what is left is shame. All my actions that took place the previous year were done by a selfish person. I managed to drove away all the people who truly care about me. I fell in love […]

1/21/2014 1 comment

A Cheater

by blind_cinderella 12/7/2013

written by blind_cinderella

I need a stranger who will read this or not. Yesterday I was Christmas shopping and buying a present for my boyfriend, trying so hard to pick out something and I was so happy and excited. We have been together for around 5 months and I don’t think i still know what the word boyfriend means or being in a relationship. If i knew it, it wouldn’t be like this. So funny how things can change in less then a few hours. I don’t deserve to be happy, i don’t deserve to be loved at all. I should be dead!

My boyfriend went to spend the […]

12/7/2013 12 comments

And suddenly it’s all unclear…

by blind_cinderella 10/30/2013

written by blind_cinderella

What’s left of me…I don’t feel the same. I am trying to satisfy everyone around me, i am trying to please others while i feel nothing at all, it’s different than emptyness and i have been here before. Like i don’t exist at all. I would love to see everyone smiling, not to be worried about me or not to be annoyed or bothered with what i do. But it seems impossible to do the right thing if there is the right thing at all. As you engage in so many relations with others you slowly disappear and this doesn’t feel right. I began to […]

10/30/2013 0 comment

Back to Black

by blind_cinderella 10/10/2013

written by blind_cinderella

I somehow see this page as a family which is weird since i haven’t befriended anyone, but it somehow feels easier when i write Â here. Things are sort of collapsing. I should be extremely happy because a lot of things worked out for me now. I haven’t been cutting for almost 8 months now and i haven’t done anything to make my friends worry about me. I have a boyfriend now and he doesn’t know anything about my past and i want it to stay that way. It feels like i am finally integrating into normal life, into society. I don’t stand aside thinking about […]

10/10/2013 1 comment

you’re rarer than a can of dandelion and burdock

by blind_cinderella 9/9/2013

written by blind_cinderella

So i am in love. Â I must admit i never thought it will hit me so suddenly but i guess that it’s true when they say: ‘when you least expect it’
The sweetest person i have ever met. I am going to sound as a hopeless romantic but his kisses make me dizzy which is entirely true i can barely walk after he touches me. Â So when everything should fit in its place my awkward paranoia jumps out of nowhere. I have never been really close to somebody like this and i am constatly thinking about bad things. I have this idea that something bad […]

9/9/2013 1 comment

Choking

by blind_cinderella 7/10/2013

written by blind_cinderella

It is summer and i feel like i am the only one not enjoying it. I can’t even express myself properly, everyone seems to be going in right direction, achieving something in their precious lives. I am always holding hands with misery, like i don’t know how to let go. I failed so many things this year. Also everything i was building and everything that was good just fell apart and now it looks like it never existed. I am terribly exhausted and i don’t even feel human anymore, more like just doing things because i am supposed to, because this is expected from me. […]

7/10/2013 4 comments

Something is definitely wrong with me

by blind_cinderella 6/28/2013

written by blind_cinderella

I haven’t been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder but i am sure that i have it because it is impossible to have so many shifts of moods. It just isn’t normal. I am such an emotional brat. I can’t stand things going wrong. I had such a good week and experienced wonderful things and met so many people on this festival and now i am back to reality and to my responsilities. I just became so sad in one moment and now i feel so helpless because i can’t remember anything good to keep me on the righ path.
I am so mad at myself […]

6/28/2013 3 comments

The Outburst of insanity

by blind_cinderella 6/8/2013

written by blind_cinderella

I completely lost it. I don’t know how to get up anymore, today i did it more as a mechanism, because people do that, they get up. My hands are shaking, I am terribly afraid of myself. I can’t control my actions anymore. It seems like another person lives inside me, controling my mind, giving a false perception of reality. I think i am insane, I don’t want to be and the thought of it makes me cry. People have so many expectations of me but i just wish i can tell them who i really am. And more than anything i wish they could […]

6/8/2013 2 comments

Everybody lies

by blind_cinderella 5/26/2013

written by blind_cinderella

Something terrible happened today. I just had a hard conversation with my roommate. And now this question keeps popping up in my head: How well do we know people around us? How well do we know ourselves?
My roommate has been psychologicallyÂ bullied by her boyfriend for more than a year. How silly of me thinking she was happy, lucky to have someone even though i witnesed some of the fights but somehow i thought they deserve each other. It was the first time i saw her so weak, so worn out…She confessed she has no real friends and no one to talk to except me, […]

5/26/2013 2 comments

Devil’s tears

by blind_cinderella 5/14/2013

written by blind_cinderella

Don’t know how to begin really since i am not sad. I am confused. I haven’t been depressed for about two months and it makes me proud. I think i finally made some progress. It was a good day for me, i did something crazy and doing restless things without thinking about them properly makes me feel good. I coloured my hair pink, well parts of it.

They say when you do something new with your hair it means a change in your life. It may be true. Some people are easy to deceive.

What i wanted to say is about my confusion and the current state […]

5/14/2013 4 comments