you’re rarer than a can of dandelion and burdock

So i am in love.  I must admit i never thought it will hit me so suddenly but i guess that it’s true when they say: ‘when you least expect it’
The sweetest person i have ever met. I am going to sound as a hopeless romantic but his kisses make me dizzy which is entirely true i can barely walk after he touches me.  So when everything should fit in its place my awkward paranoia jumps out of nowhere. I have never been really close to somebody like this and i am constatly thinking about bad things. I have this idea that something bad will happen and that he is going to leave me. Than again it comes to me i should break this before it goes further and it seems like if i end this sooner it will be easier to forget him. But than again i have been longing for someone and i always blew things up cause i am too emotional. To be honest what i am really afraid of is that he won’t be able to cope with my dramatic outbursts. Even though i have been better, i think about suicide less frequently and i haven’t cut myself for more than 5 months. He doesn’t know about any of that and one part of me really wants him to know, i mean at one point he will ask me about the scars…
Once he said he wants to escape from all the depressed people and i was stunned, i thought if only you knew…

also i am kind of sensitive of everything he does which is stupid but i can’t help myself. He is really shy when we are around other people and i know i should respect that but i feel really bad when he pushes me away around others. Also when we walk down the street, he is afraid to hold me or touch as if someone will see us. And we are in a relationship, we talked about that and his friends know that we are together but still…it is kind of weird i don’t want to judge him as i know that i have more serious problems. Maybe he needs more time. I really hope i am overreacting but all of my previous experiences were terrible so i can’t be calm, i keep thinking he is going to let me down. He is very kind and loving towards me and i know that people can pretendt for a really long time so i don’t know how to be relaxed. All i see is the negative around me. I know things end eventually, they have to it is a natural process but i just wish i can at least enjoy the good times without having all those pessimistic thoughts.